DP and I have been in a relationship for 12 years, he moved in with me and my teenaged children 8 years ago. The house is in my name, the bills, mortgage etc. We each have our own cars and keep our money separate. We both have good jobs.
My children have since moved out, so there is only the two of us now. DP works and pays his way and is actually very generous.
Problems started about 5 years ago, he was diagnosed with hypertension. He had to go onto blood pressure medication which affected his ability to have sex, and he lost interest in any intimacy. However, he was still affectionate and we enjoy each others company.
During the pandemic, DP was furloughed and I had to work long hours. He started to put on a lot of weight, and took no exercise, which impacted his body. He now walks with a stick, due to arthritis and being overweight. He has managed to lose about 3 stone, but needs to lose more. He is unable to walk now very far and relies on me to do everything.
I fetch drinks for him, do all the chores, cooking, shopping. He is still able to work, but tends to come home from work, have his meal and then goes to bed at about 7pm. Which I don’t mind as I like my own company.
DP is usually kind and listens to me I suffer from anxiety and he is mostly very supportive.
But just lately, I have started to feel like a slave and I feel sad about it. I don’t think he means to, but he orders me around, has me running to the shops for him etc. I don’t think that he has been in a shop for several years. He eats his meal in an arm chair and I have to run about bringing him things, taking his plate off him etc.
One other thing that upsets me is he is always very critical about my children, is resentful of anytime I spend with them. It almost feels like jealousy.
Today I was WFH, usually I finish at 5pm and then cook dinner straight away. Tonight I had to make a work call at 6pm, I offered to make dinner at 4:30 pm, but he said no go and do your work and make dinner after the phone call. I finished at about 6:20 pm, and he was very angry and spoke to me harshly. I tried to explain what I had been doing but he swore and said he didn’t care. He then intimated that I was chatting to a particular work colleague, who 2 days ago, he was teasing me about having a crush on. This colleague is 20 years younger than me and the whole thing would be ridiculous. Again, it’s like he is a bit jealous of my work life. He then stumped off to bed without eating in a huff.
For a while now, I have been feeling as though he thinks I am just his landlady. He pays rent, and expects a home to be provided and food on the table etc. He hasn’t even been as affectionate just lately.
I have previously been in an abusive relationship and I know I have a tendency to put up with things other people wouldn’t. Does this sound normal, I can’t tell anymore?
Also, I am by no means perfect. I live in a constant state of anxiety, which I hide quite well, and I’m a perfectionist and I work way over my hours to maintain this, which I realise must be hard to live with. Also I adore my children and probably am a bit unrealistic about some of their behaviour.