Partner with anxiety a using me of pushing him away

[GoingRoundInCircle]

My partner and I have been together 12 and a half years and have two children, DS 8 and DD 3 and a half. He's suffered from anxiety for as long as I've know him, so it's nothing new, but for the past year or so it seems to have been affecting him more. I'm trying everything I can to be there for him and try to help him but he keeps saying that I'm not there enough. First it was that there wasn't enough physical contact so I've made sure that he feels that I'm close to him as much as possible, but the part I'm struggling with is that he keeps saying that I'm not talking to him enough. I tell him things, ask him questions and try to fill any silences in the most constructive way possible, but it's not enough. I do all the housework, 90% of the childcare and work 3 days a week, so there are plenty of times that I'd really like to sit in silence or not talk to much because I've had a busy, overstimulated day, but he never seems to be able to see that. I do try really hard, even when I'm not feeling it at all, but I just get accused of not trying and pushing him away. It's getting to the point where I'm dreading us bring alone together and having to come up with all the conversation because he won't, just do that he won't be angry with me. Any advice?

He sounds like hard work OP. Does he ever praise or thank you, or just criticise you? I think it sounds like he is taking you for granted.

Why on earth did you marry him?

Tell him to go

Sit him down.

Warn him that you're about to tell him some important things about his needs and yours, an important reminder that you and he are separate people, and both of you have needs - it doesn't all go one way.

Tell him you look after yourself for him and the children, and that he needs to look after himself for you and the children.

Tell him you were not put here on earth to meet every single need of his.

Tell him you are not his therapist.

Tell him to find one as a matyer of urgency.

You need to put up non-negotiable boundaries here, or you will become an empty shell of yourself. He will suck you dry.

His behaviour is profoundly selfish.

He needs to get therapy to deal with his mental health issues.

@GoingRoundInCircle whats he doing about his anxiety then? What actions is he taking to improve himself so his family aren’t tip-toing around him on eggshells?

im guessing nothing. Because it’s all about him and his needs.

Yes it’s nice of us to support our partners but when it’s to our detriment - it helps no one.

he needs to seek help and maybe counselling for you both to address the unhealthy dynamic he’s demanding.

good luck.

How is it going? @GoingRoundInCircle