50 and now what?

[NoStockingsNoSoxes]

It’s not my age that’s the problem, it’s my personality.

I’m so confused about everything.

Happily divorced from ExH and we get along fine. I had some pretty soul-destroying online dating experiences from 2021 to 2022 and realised that it isn’t for me. In all honesty I’m still not over them.

How do I move forward with my life? I feel like I’m never going to meet anyone even to go on a date with, which is fine, but I’m so lonely. Where is everyone?

(Please don’t tell me to learn to be happy alone etc. I’ve been single most of my life and it doesn’t scare me. I’m just lonely!)

@NoStockingsNoSoxes
As you feel unhappy it's possible you are suffering mild depression which could be stopping you from trying new things.. when I feel depressed I don't bother with others.
Maybe an honest chat to your gp could be of benefit there?

Thanks for thinking along with me. I’ve been on antidepressants for a long time now and I think that the physical side of things is under control in that way. Perhaps there’s just too much going on at the moment - as in the past few years - and it’s not that odd to feel weird about it all? I don’t know, normally I try not to dwell on it but this afternoon it all became a bit much, hence this post.

OP Have you looked at your local park run/couch to 5K groups?

I joined one a few years ago. I do not like exercise at all but the group I was in had people of all different fitness abilities. I dropped out when they started doing 5+ runs but stayed in the group and it’s now a place where they give recommendations for local tradespeople, they swim during the summer, they have a walking group, a cycling group, a Xmas night out and even a weekend abroad (although that is based around actual running). The sense of community is really alive and kicking and full of people who want to socialise but not around alcohol or late nights.

A reading group might be another option? .

Most likely you will meet someone if you will , when you start church going, groups, hobbies, activities, even pubs ....lol, that with caution

I do think things started up slowly after the pandemic crisis, so on that front it is all a bit weird and also everyone is very tired/burned out that I know, but despite that there's still a will to have more social contact I think so it's a question of starting small, experimenting a bit and going to things.

Perhaps I just need to do more of what I’ve been doing?

I was in a hiking group and after being verbally attacked by a member one day
(it sounds ridiculous but I was quite scared, she seemed a bit unhinged) I stopped going. It was one of those silly situations where some people had been fairly rude to the organiser, who was upset, and I said something. I gave up after that, I just don’t need the stress. And the fucking high finance dividing the bill in a cafe, spare me.

But yeah, maybe just more and different groups? Perhaps I should be less accepting of people as they are and simply assess whether I think they’re my type of people or not?

(I don’t mean going to different groups in search of a potential life partner, obviously. I mean to see if I feel like I really click with others there.)

I disagree, only go to things you enjoy (do you enjoy hiking, there's a lot of walking groups round here, so could swap) and if it's not your type of people, don't stick it out. Find other middle-aged women who like a laugh and want to get on. Choirs are usually pretty good. Don't do boring or unpleasant things just to be social (that's the school run).

If you like arty types (I mean as friends, not just partners), go to the local exhibitions, there's a huge amount of workshops on various activities, art, writing, creativity. Or go the wellness/yoga route.

I do think it's about finding your niche and not sticking to stuff that you don't enjoy though- that way it's a win if you find a friend or partner, and it's a win if you don't.

Same boat op - 51 and live alone as kids are adults though .

I do hobbies but there are no single
Men who do them

I've now got newly diagnosed health issues which make getting out really hard but Hopi g when treatment starts that might change .

I hated online dating . It's just not for me . Had loads of dates but with every date I had where I felt nothing I think it just depressed me .

I had a couple of flings and got hurt so it feels like a bad idea now .

Join a choir. You get all sorts of people and it brings so much joy. Can't feel lonely when you're singing in a group.

Look on meet up dot .com for mixed groups. That way you are mixing with men as friends.

@Msmbc all the nicest people seem to sing in choirs. There are three in my mum's small town! Very sociable, mix of ages, also usually some men (although often husbands and wives).

I also suggest moving walking groups, there are lots of nice ones around, including for single/unattached people (and there are single groups for different age groups on MeetUp although I don't go to those as they aren't my thing).

I just don’t think anyone will come along because I don’t think people like me. I think I’m very self-absorbed and can’t seem to change how I come across (believe me I’ve tried).

I think a lot of people feel that way, that they will be disliked. A normal part of self doubt.

Have you tried the long-running dating thread on Mumsnet? It sounds useful with lots of guides and rules to navigate OLD.

Maybe volunteer at Parkrun. That's going to be my next thing.
OLD is just dire. Not worth your money or time.