How to stop feeling irrationally insecure?

[chillin12]

I am married to a wonderful man, who is thoughtful, considerate, and helpful. Problem is, I have always had a personal problem with insecurity where I assume other “pretty” girls may catch his attention. He has never displayed any signs of communicating or talking to other women. But even before we got married, I just had intrusive thoughts that my future spouse may find other women attractive. I know everyone will say “oh it’s natural.” But I can’t personally deal with the idea that my spouse may find other women attractive, even if he doesn’t act on it.

I’m not saying everyone turns ugly once you’re in a relationship, but it burns me with jealousy and insecurity that he may notice other good looking women. Even though I am confident in how I look, recently I’ve gained a lot of since marriage and pregnancy, but otherwise, I’m happy with my face etc. I just can’t help but have these clouding thoughts, even from before.

Even though he always compliments me and makes me feel secure in my looks, I cannot help but hate the idea that he may notice other pretty women. He doesn’t really comment on other women or done anything to make me suspicious. I think I just have an irrational anxiety where I will become quiet and moody if I imagine him noticing any other pretty woman, be it in real life or on TV. I will start comparing myself to them in my head and bring myself down.

Anyone else ever felt similar or know how to deal with this. I always talk to him when I do feel this way, and he always assures me and makes me feel better. But I understand it’s not exactly a healthy way to behave or something to start an argument over.

It sounds like you'd benefit from some therapy.

I totally understand this OP, I feel like it too but I try to have a word with myself whenever I feel that way. I mean, for this to be an issue you clearly notice they're pretty too? There will always be women more attractive or less attractive than you but he chose you and continues to do so.

I try to put some sense in myself, then I cave and discuss my feelings with him anyway 😂I guess don’t really care if there are other attractive women out there, as long as I’m the most attractive in his eyes. And he genuinely makes me feel like I am. So I feel so silly for being so irrational, but have had this problem from before anyway.

It becomes a problem if you impose rules like banning him from talking to women or checking his phone. I would also suggest talking it through with a therapist. It might feel better after only a few sessions.

Nah, I don’t really get the urge to check his phone or anything tbh. I do actually fully trust him. So it becomes more of a problem in my head. Outside of this issue, I do have intrusive thoughts and anxiety about other different matters in life, so I get it’s a problem in myself.

I don't think it's irrational.

A level of jealous possessiveness about the person you love is natural. Stop worrying about it, the worrying is more of a problem than the reasonable and natural jealousy.

I probably would benefit from some therapy. I have been about 7 years ago for completely different issues, and I guess it didn’t help me much at the time. And I found I have to practice self-management better, so I haven’t been in a long time. Maybe I could look into psychotherapy as the issues are larger than this, unrelated to marriage. I have also told my husband how I have these issues and he recommended receiving professional help and treatment. Will consider this.