DH always jinxes my career opportunities

[Worldisacircus]

Whenever remotely nice thing is in the cards for me and I share it with him, it doesn’t happen. He just says so much negative stuff about how nice things happen to me and not him. And then suddenly I will not get that work/ travel opportunity. I’m in UK and was supposed to fly to Belgium. Or even just another county for a client meeting. And as soon as I tell him it doesn’t happen.

it’s been happening ever since we are married (4.5 years) - even when I was going through promotion process during pandemic he kept saying negative stuff about how I should not go for it. And since I’m back to work from maternity, and had problems at work he said “I told you so you shouldn’t go for promotion “. Instead of being helpful often asks me to chuck it. He himself is fairly good with his work but doesn’t want many promotions or even try for another job. He is “comfortable”.

I don’t have many friends or people to talk to so I discuss about my work with him. But slowly realising I shouldn’t.

he is a good husband and a father. But when it comes to my work he is always negative. I’m in the Financial industry. He keeps saying negative stuff about my industry, company. Saying everyone in Finance is bad. And really weird stuff.

If that's a good husband I'd hate to know what you think a bad husband is xD

I’m in the Financial industry. He keeps saying negative stuff about my industry, company. Saying everyone in Finance is bad.

As someone who works in finance, tell him from me to zip it until he's better informed. If he ever is.

What does he do, as a matter of interest?

I don’t have many friends or people to talk to so I discuss about my work with him.

Why is this, do you think? Has he made negative comments about you spending time with friends or family as well?

@Mari9999 some really good points.

@GroggyLegs good points.

Everyone - I say he’s a good husband because he’s been helpful with house work / chores. Him and I both share cooking and I don’t drive so picks me up and drops me off to the station 99%. Ours is a sexless marriage since having my DS due to medical and health reasons but he has always been supportive and never demanded sex. He does occasionally asks to be intimate, but that’s it.
He’s very playful as a dad and my DS enjoys eating with him (or being fed by DH) , playing with him , going on drives with him or family holidays. Just generally it’s a happy little family which I don’t want to destroy over hurtful comments on who’s job is more important and money. Although I have thought about splitting and DH knows that but it’s a moot point.

Yes I earn approximately £15k more than him. So as some of you are suggesting it could be jealousy and I have learnt my lessons and I will shut up about my work and career.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain software engineer.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation my family is abroad. I’ve migrated to UK for work and settled down here. My friends from school / university are not in UK. My work friends have all evolved and are not really my hangout friends. I’ve not been close friends to anyone since I migrated here.

I see my family once a year when they visit. I haven’t been to my home country for 4 years. DH’s home country is same as mine.

@Pinkbonbon bad husband could be one who doesn’t help in household chores. Doesn’t help with raising their children. And could be an alcoholic/ abuse/ etc.

My DH is none of the above. In fact , he has changed enough nappies as I have.

So as some of you are suggesting it could be jealousy and I have learnt my lessons and I will shut up about my work and career

But you are, or should be, a partnership. Why SHOULD you have to shut up about an integral part of your life and contribution to the family finances because he can't handle it?

But that's what he is supposed to do. He's their parent! And it his house! Looking after his kids and doing his fair share of housework doesn't make him a good partner or father. It makes him someone that does the minimum he's supposed to do.

The minimum would also include supporting and uplifting his wife emotionally. Encouraging her to pursue her goals and being happy for her when she is successful. He can't even meet that low barr.

Yes it might be worse if he was an alcoholic...but this guy doesn't even have that to blame for being a selfish dickhead.

And it is a form of abuse to always shit on your partners dreams, goals, achievements and happiness. That IS emotional abuse.

Think of it this way, would we say someone was a good mother because they do 'their share' of the parenting? No. That's just what they are supposed to do.

Being a good mother involves emotional connection, consideration of your children's feelings, encouraging them to pursue their happiness, supporting them when they fail or are sad, wanting what's best for them and doing what you can help them achieve it.

And that's what being a good partner is too.
If that side is missing, it doesn't matter if they take the bins out or put up shelves or feed the baby half the time (like they should). They're a bad partner.

And if they're a bad partner then by default they are a bad father too. Because they are presenting a relationship model upon which their children will model their own relationships. Those kids will grow up seeing their father being miserable and unsupportive of their mother...and think that is normal.