I have been with my partner for 10 years; we have a 4 year old and a house together.
There have been plenty of arguments since the start, mainly due to our individual mental health struggles. We have worked hard individually on these, but they continue to filter into our relationship. He is a great Dad and we worked well as a team, there is a lot of love but the relationship is volatile.
So far it has not affected our child but currently, we have split up for fear that the arguments will, they are not around her, but she senses when we are upset.
I have struggled with postnatal depression, PMT, and PTSD, and he also has complex PTSD. We are both guilty of being argumentative and hyper-vigilant to each other's moods. Where I feel It slightly differs is that he has been verbally abusive in arguments, using the C word and using sensitive information against me that he knows will upset me. I have retaliated, but not as harshly and never being the first one to lash out. He hit me once when I was hysterical as I screamed in his face after being pushed to my limits verbally, and another time when I was screaming ( really bad mental health episode)
He is not controlling, he is complimentary of my appearance, and he contributes to the house like I do so it's not coercive control.
I am 41 and have not been single since I was 17, he has been at his mums a week and I have turned to drink, I am feeling hopeless, and scared,I want to beg him to come back. Friends have been a bit rubbish, Ive had maybe a text here and there and that has hurt. Everyone says just concentrate on yourself and your daughter. The truth is I can't, I feel so overwhelmed, Ive never wanted to be on my own.
My daughter is having a sleepover at my mums as she takes hours to go to bed, and I am just frazzled at the moment. I know I am very lucky to have even that, But honestly, I just don't have that drive to be strong for her... I feel awful about that but its true. I have struggled been a mum full stop and never really enjoyed it.
Now I just don't see the point.