Please help me stop feeling irritated DP sister

[Peachtoiletpaper]

I'm BU.

My wonderful DP's sister is coming to stay with us for 2 weeks from abroad. I only have 2 weeks summer holiday at a set time (due to my course).

The exact dates of my 2 weeks' break weren't confirmed until after she had to book tickets. It was left up in the air for a while and the students were pushing for confirmation. It's now turned out she is here for almost all of my 2 weeks' leave.

She is the loveliest person and I'm happy she is coming but this means we can't really go away (we and they will do smaller trips) until Christmas now and I was really hoping for a proper break and change of scene as I really don't love my uni town or area.

Also, great as she is, I'm an introvert and have been so snowed under with exams and coursework that hosting here for 2 weeks is not feeling like a delightful prospect.

It's absolutely nothing personal and it's not her fault. She was told that I didn't have dates yet so to book tickets that suited her so she didn't have to pay loads on the ticket. It would have been so much nicer if I was in classes for most of it and joined them for evenings plus activities here and there then DP and I had our own longer trip separately. As it stands I will prob pick up a fair bit of ad hoc work to save up a bit but won't get a break. They speak another language and will want to catch up so I want to give them plenty of time just them.

I think what has exacerbated this is that an opportunity has come up for me and DP to stay a few days with some friends also coming from overseas in another part of the UK but he doesn't want to leave her on her own as she will have just got here. I fully understand and will prob try and join them on my own which is fine but it would have been nice to do it together.

Just venting really as I can't and don't want express this to anyone as she is so lovely and it's not her fault. The timing is just a bit of a pain. Im also quite a straightforward person and they are very gentle and sweet so I absolutely do no want to show even a hint of this. Any kick up the arse or tips to feel less disappointed welcome. It's not her fault and can't be changed.

Just writing this out since as I say, don't want to voice it to anyone IRL but I suppose one way to frame it is that if it is anyone's 'fault' here it is mine more then theirs since I didn't have my term dates for whatever reason. Neither of them are accountable at all.

Can't you go away with her in tow?

Oh this is tricky but if I was your SIL, I would understand that you need to use some of your very limited holiday time to go away. Explain it as you have here to your DP. It seems like such a shame to miss the get together with your friends.

Are there not other people for your SIL to see, or daytrips she could do on her own using your place as a base? I used to go and stay at my brother's when I lived abroad but I had no expectation whatsoever that they would spend all their time with me.

If you just leave it, it will be hard not to have a nugget of resentment deep down and that's such a shame as it might impact everyone's enjoyment anyway.

Can't you say some of this to your DP? Just mention that you're a bit disappointed that you won't get any time together alone and is there any chance she could change the dates of her visit?

He's being a bit self absorbed to expect you to give up your entire 2 week leave to share with her, no matter how nice she is. Hosting someone is exhausting.

Maybe do something without either of them? Go and stay with the friends or take a few days on your own somewhere nice?

Thanks for all replies. I appreciate the understanding.

Well yes on smaller trips but not really overseas or on a longer one. They have a few bits planned to do that mean we couldn't do a long stretch and I'm not sure she would want to pay for more flights or accommodation (I'm only working very part time due to studies or would be happy to sub). Their plans have always been to be based here and venture a bit further for a day or so at a time. My saltiness is because I'd really hoped for a proper, longish change of scene.

I think the key might be for me to do a few visits to friends and maybe a walking day by myself to make the best of it then maybe a weekend with DP at the end.

It's not really him being thoughtless tbh, she needed to book and my uni were still arsing around.

You should not be hosting as in bed making / dinner cooking part of hosting - make it clear to your Oh that as it's his sister he will do all of that side if hosting - I hope this is obvious to him

I cant really help with the going away part, but in terms of just how much time you spend together, could you explain that you will have to do a couple of hours uni work a day/evening and take yourself off for that time to give yourself a break?

You aren't BU at all I would be really pissed off

If I was her I would understand you wanting to go away and spending time alone

Tbh if she knows, the onus is on her to mention she totally understands if you won’t be there all the time. If she knows and hasn’t she is BU

Yes absolutely, he's a good un I promise. I'm happy to cook anyway, helps me relax. It's more the having someone around and being 'on'.

She wouldn't expect the flags hung out and hotel service every day, I suppose I'd just really hoped to have the solid 2 weeks without1
outside obligations!