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Original poster

Zilch sex drive/no desire to date? What's wrong with me?

16 replies

HelenaBellena · 04/07/2023 06:43

Just this really, relationship broke down a year ago, short but happy. Since then I've had no desire to date and no sex drive at all. I used to be enthusiastic about meeting a partner, now nothing.

How can I get my va va voom back?

OP posts:
Original poster
HelenaBellena · 04/07/2023 06:46

I should add in that time I've made lots or good friends (female) but feels like I can't be bothered with the disappointment of men/dating. I don't want to be like that.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 04/07/2023 06:56

Maybe you just need a bit more time. Or you are genuinely happy and any new man will have to be outstanding to add anything to your life.

I'd leave it a while longer, enjoy your singledom and think again in the new year.

AltitudeCheck · 04/07/2023 06:56

Sounds wonderfully peaceful if I'm honest!

How old are you OP? Could it be hormonal?

Regardless the reason, I would just enjoy feeling content with life without needing to date. Someone will come along who reignites your interest or your va va voom will reappear!

capercorn · 04/07/2023 06:57

You're in the golden zone! Enjoy.

gannett · 04/07/2023 07:05

Nothing's wrong with you. Go with whatever makes you feel happy and don't try to force yourself into a way of being that you don't want - that'll only make you unhappy.

If/when either of those things return you'll know about it and can get back in the saddle then. If they don't return, that's also perfectly fine!

Smooshface · 04/07/2023 07:10

I feel the same, I'm enjoying the peace and dating seems like a faff to be honest. Enjoy being yourself for a bit, no shame in having a lovely life without a partner.

RoachFish · 04/07/2023 07:27

I'm the same. Came out of a 20 year+ marriage last year and have no desire to meet a man. I have moved away and made lots of new female friends. I joined a dating app a couple of weeks ago and I have been on two dates, both very underwhelming. I just don't view men the same way I did pre-marriage and I after speaking to my friends in relationships all the men seem to take much more than they give in terms of happiness. I'm just very blase about it and I think I'm going to come off the app as I am more content on my own.

GreyCarpet · 04/07/2023 07:33

I think it's a good place to he tbh!

Far better to be spending time with friends and enjoying your life that way. It sounds like you think that being in a relationship is important? Or something you should want? There's no point dating just for the sake of it.

If you feel differently in the future, them you can change it then but, for now, I'd just enjoy where you're at.

Just think how much happier a lot of women would be if they felt your contentment rather than chasing the next boyfriend/man/relationship...

Xrays · 04/07/2023 07:41

If you’re aged 40 plus ish I’d be inclined to think it’s menopause related. I am 42 and if I split up with my dh tomorrow I’d happily live on my own and never want to meet anyone else. I really don’t like being around other people now 🙈😆

Naunet · 04/07/2023 09:30

There’s nothing wrong with you! Society is fixated on telling us (especially women) that we need a relationship to be happy, that you’ve failed somehow if you’re single. But honestly, fuck that noise! Enjoy it, have fun and stop worrying about conforming.

FOJN · 04/07/2023 09:37

If you are content with your life why would you want to change that? Enjoy your life, you do not need to indulge the lie that being in a relationship is the only true route to happiness and measure of success.

I felt like you after my last relationship ended six years ago and I still feel the same. Life is good, I enjoy my freedom, independence and sleeping alone.

anthurium · 04/07/2023 09:52

How old are you op?
Do you have children already? What were your prior relationship experiences?

I'm a solo mum by choice (I used a sperm donor to conceive) amd since having my child, I view men and relationships very differently. Before, the main motivator although at the time I couldn't see it was to meet someone to settle down with and have children, ultimately. Now that milestone has been achieved, the drive to date is non existent. I do miss the physical intimacy/contact and I'm exploring ways how I could have those needs met without full on dating as it isn't something I want right now).

Romantic relationships have been exalted to be the pinnacle of "making it". We all know from experience and anectodal observations that many are in relationships due to settling/compromise/fear of being alone/financial stability etc. Finding a soul mate is very rare and for it to last.

Original poster
HelenaBellena · 04/07/2023 10:03

@anthurium mid 40s, already have children.

I feel like if i dont get that va voom back, i could stay like this forever. I'd like a partner but i have no enthusiasm about trying to date/sex.

OP posts:
ToBeOrNotToBee · 04/07/2023 10:08

There's nothing wrong with you, in fact this is a perfectly normal and healthy place to be.

Give it time, when you're emotionally, physically and mentally ready, you'll know.

Beamur · 04/07/2023 10:12

There's nothing wrong with you!

xfan · 04/07/2023 10:29

I think there's a real lack of suitable partners past 35/40+ especially when looking on OLD. Lots of damaged and jaded men, of course it's possible to find that one exception but how log are you willing to wade through the debris for it?

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