Different interests to girlfriend

[ZigZag2]

I will briefly summarise my situation. I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 6 years. I love her deeply. She is very caring and supportive. We work well as a team and have some similarities in our outlook. However, almost all of our interests are different. For a long time, I didn’t realise this. I also think we were both discovering who we were. Now it’s very clear and I’m beginning to feel increasingly frustrated, as it is difficult to send time doing the things that I would like to do. Is this important? What should I do?

I think having different interests is good because everyone needs time away from their partner to do their own thing.
But is the problem that you are both pursuing different interests so you never have time for each other? If that is the issue then maybe you need to talk to each other about making time for each other. I don't think different interests should be an issue unless it means that you are never in the house at the same time.

Or is it a more fundamental thing that you've got nothing to talk about because you're into, say, the history of South America and she's into ornithology and you're both so invested in your interests that your whole life revolves around it?

Find a mutual interest which is new to both of you.

If this is all you have to worry about count yourself lucky.

Right, I’m going to be slightly controversial here, but you've been together 6 years and it’s not really been a problem before, so why is it one now?

My ex was a lovely man but whenever he was feeling down/ self-doubting/ doubting everything in his life, he would flag how we had different interests, or some other reason why the relationship could never work. Eventually him bringing this up regularly and not really taking a genuine interest in stuff I liked drove us apart, whereas actually focusing on what we had in common and nurturing that could have probably kept us together. But his comments sowed doubt in my mind over time and the problem digging made it fall apart.

New partner and I look at it very differently. Firstly we focus on stuff we both enjoy, even if it’s normal stuff like having a nice drink in a beauty spot. Secondly we have some very different interests, but we take a lot of interest in each others different interests, ask a lot of questions and want to find out more, cos it’s the passion of the person we deeply care about. We encourage enjoyment of things that makes the other happy. I love seeing a big smile on his face after he’s done his hobby. And thirdly we don’t think it’s that important because it’s attraction and chemistry that no common interest can replace. Otherwise you’d be dating your golf buddy 😋

Think, do you want to focus on the similarities that bring you together, or the differences that might drive you apart? Relationships are about finding common ground and somehow you’ve succeeded doing that 6 years, so what’s different now?

Thanks for your replies and for sharing your thoughts on this. It's really helpful to see different points of view. I need to reflect more on this and also on what people wrote.

Hmm difficult.

I had five years with a man I'd keep thinking, we're too different to work.

It was me really. I'm a musician. I spend hours of my free time playing music, attending events as a performer, practicing regularly.

He liked eating and watching tv. He didn't want to come to events with my friends even though they made a big effort with him. It split us up if I'm honest. I look back now and wonder what I was thinking. Really lovely guy, but just not for me.

Be careful. Two peas in a pod is what I'm after.

Hmm difficult.

I had five years with a man I'd keep thinking, we're too different to work.

It was me really. I'm a musician. I spend hours of my free time playing music, attending events as a performer, practicing regularly.

He liked eating and watching tv. He didn't want to come to events with my friends even though they made a big effort with him. It split us up if I'm honest. I look back now and wonder what I was thinking. Really lovely guy, but just not for me.

Be careful. Two peas in a pod is what I'm after.