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Original poster

AIBU - husband suggesting should cancel hotel

24 replies

SophieD1987 · 03/07/2023 18:30

Hi everyone,

Another AIBU post from me 😬

Hubby and I have a 5-year-old son, he had a long hospital stay when he was born but is much better now health wise than he was although we have to keep a close eye on some things still.

In the last six years we have never been away together just us as a couple. Not for a weekend, not abroad, nothing.

I asked my MIL if she would look after our son for the weekend and then I booked us a weekend at a spa hotel with dinner & breakfast included for our anniversary. The hotel is an hour away from where we live. MIL has never even had our son for a sleepover so I thought she would enjoy it.

MIL lives round the corner and I thought a hotel an hour away from home was enough for it feel special but not too far away that we couldn’t come back home if our son should have any issues.

Then MIL announced she wants to take our son away for the weekend maybe to the seaside. I was a little surprised by this as she hasn’t even had him overnight and knows we have never been away from him before as a couple.

Hubby is now saying we should consider cancelling the hotel so we can be nearer to wherever MIL wants to take our son.

AIBU to expect MIL and hubby to respect that we have booked a hotel with the understanding it wasn’t too far away and we shouldn’t have to change our plans? We would lose about £35 by cancelling and this is assuming we can find a different hotel (we booked through Secret Escapes and they only refund in Secret Escapes vouchers).

Hubby says I should have told MIL from the off where the hotel was and explained we were planning to only be an hour away. It just had never crossed my mind she would decide to take our son away for the weekend as this wasn’t something my grandparents did when we were children.

AIBU to be annoyed by this situation?

OP posts:
ChocChipHandbag · 03/07/2023 18:33

Just tell MIL sorry but she can’t take him away this time. Next time maybe, after they’ve had a trial run at her house. That can be said kindly and tactfully.

Elieza · 03/07/2023 18:35

Can he have a trial run overnight before the hotel to test drive them staying together?

Then if it works you’ll feel more confident. If it doesn’t you can consider cancelling hotel.

Id suggest a day trip somewhere nice is more appropriate than overnight seaside the first time.

Hollyppp · 03/07/2023 18:37

Say to MIL this time I need you to babysit at our house so it’s familiar for our son. In the future we can look at you taking him away but not right now

Dillydollydingdong · 03/07/2023 18:37

Is she a loving and capable DGM? How old is she? Does he know her well enough to be happy at spending a weekend with her? And how is he health-wise?

pinkdelight · 03/07/2023 18:39

What makes you think she's incapable of managing to take him away?

VisionsOfSplendour · 03/07/2023 18:41

pinkdelight · 03/07/2023 18:39

What makes you think she's incapable of managing to take him away?

I read it more than the OP is worried about the child rather than the MIL

LIZS · 03/07/2023 18:42

Ask her to look after him at yours instead this time.

bellac11 · 03/07/2023 18:43

Its reasonable given its the first time, for your son to sleep over at nans, then next time she could have a weekend away with him.

Its reasonble for everyone to stick to the original plans.

GoodChat · 03/07/2023 18:44

I would just let her take him to the seaside. It'll be a lovely break for him and it sounds like you're worried about something that's unlikely to be an issue anyway.

Original poster
SophieD1987 · 03/07/2023 18:45

pinkdelight · 03/07/2023 18:39

What makes you think she's incapable of managing to take him away?

@bellac11 We don’t think that at all. We want to be within an hour of where our son is due to his medical issues and background and because we have both never been away from him before.

OP posts:
saraclara · 03/07/2023 18:46

ChocChipHandbag · 03/07/2023 18:33

Just tell MIL sorry but she can’t take him away this time. Next time maybe, after they’ve had a trial run at her house. That can be said kindly and tactfully.

This. I'm a grandmother and I wouldn't dream of taking my DGD to an unfamiliar place on the first occasion that she'd ever overnighted away from her parents.

My DD and I even did a trial run where DD stayed overnight as well, before DGD had her first sleepover while her parents we're away at a wedding..

DGD has had around 6-8 sleepovers with me, but I haven't yet considered taking her away for the weekend. It's a big responsibility and I think she's still at the stage where she'd be anxious at some point when she remembered that her mum and dad aren't there.

WhamBamThankU · 03/07/2023 19:01

Definitely tell her it's a lovely idea, but for the first time you'd like him at her/your house and all being well she can take him away some time soon

huntingcunting · 03/07/2023 19:53

Tell her it's not happening.
It's too much when she's never had him for a sleepover before.

fridaynight1 · 04/07/2023 01:27

Tell her you think it's a fabulous idea but because this is the first time ever that you will be leaving him you'd like to be nearby in case of an emergency.

Is there anywhere she could take him that is within the hour that you feel comfortable with?

Also if there is time, perhaps a trial overnight before you go.

WandaWonder · 04/07/2023 01:56

Why can't she take him away? Why the need to complicate it all?

GoodChat · 04/07/2023 07:05

huntingcunting · 03/07/2023 19:53

Tell her it's not happening.
It's too much when she's never had him for a sleepover before.

She's probably thinking it'll be much easier for her to take him somewhere he can burn loads of energy through the day and he can do activities etc and crash out at night rather than trying to find ways to entertain him.

ChocChipHandbag · 04/07/2023 08:14

WandaWonder · 04/07/2023 01:56

Why can't she take him away? Why the need to complicate it all?

Because

  1. child is only 5
  2. child has a serious health condition
  3. Child has never spent a night with his grandmother or anyone else without his parents
  4. parents want to be 1 hour away max in case of health emergency
Original poster
SophieD1987 · 04/07/2023 09:24

ChocChipHandbag · 04/07/2023 08:14

Because

  1. child is only 5
  2. child has a serious health condition
  3. Child has never spent a night with his grandmother or anyone else without his parents
  4. parents want to be 1 hour away max in case of health emergency
Show quote history

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Naunet · 04/07/2023 09:26

Why can’t you both just tell her no, not this time? Does your DH tend to automatically side with her?

TeeBee · 04/07/2023 10:03

Well she hasn't booked anywhere yet, presumably. Can you just explain about the desire to just be an hour away and she can book somewhere within an hour's radius to you. And then try and fit in a couple of overnights at her house beforehand.

Pinkdelight3 · 04/07/2023 10:43

Okay, well, I didn't take from the OP that child has a serious health condition. More than he was ill when he was born but is now 5yo and "much better healthwise", but I appreciate there's still residual anxiety and wanting to be close by so makes sense to ease into things and start off at home this time. Don't cancel hotel though, just talk to her constructively about staying home.

Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 19:11

Naunet · 04/07/2023 09:26

Why can’t you both just tell her no, not this time? Does your DH tend to automatically side with her?

Always!

OP posts:
Rec0veringAcademic · 07/07/2023 20:00

What is preventing your husband from communicating with his own mother regarding arrangements made for his own son?

Maybe2 · 13/01/2024 23:18

I’d just cancel the whole thing and stay with your son, no sleepovers for anyone. Sometimes you need to have a boundary and stick with it. The entire time you’re away, you’ll either worry about where your son is or feel resentful that you’re not at the hotel of choice

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