Boyfriend and his girl best friend

[Lionessbecca]

hey so I’ve been having issues and my head has been all over the place with this and I just don’t really feel comfortable with my boyfriend having a girl best friend even though it’s up too him really but I don’t really know what to do with myself , he blocked her before without me telling him to because he knew I was uncomfortable because she spoke about how heavy her boobs were etc and makes comments about her boobs before when I brought my daughter round to there house and she held my daughter until she stopped crying and said to me infringe of him you need boobs for this that’s why but then after he kept saying too me can I please unblock her because she is his best mates girlfriend too so I said go on then I didn’t tell you too block her so I found out they were texting each other recently but he deleted the messages which made me feel crap but he said he done that because he knew I would moan because he’s hid them before and I said don’t hide them it’s weird and even though there’s nothing like that on the messages I don’t like it when he hides them so he said okay he wouldn’t do that and wouldn’t send kisses too if it makes me uncomfortable so I said okay thanks I don’t mind messages being up there but just don’t do them things and he’s done it again but now I’m being made too be friends with her and get along with her etc .. I know he wants too stay being friends with her but I’m just so uncomfortable with them messaging each other and feel like I’m in the wrong all the time for this

hope this all makes sense

What?

what do you mean what ?

How long have you been together?

Hi we’ve been with each other for 3 years

Sorry but there was not one full stop in all that and it gave me anxiety just trying to get into your mindset OP.
How old are you all

Lost me at "you need boobs for this" sorry

Oh I’m sorry 😂I just get all worked up when speaking about this think I was rushing a bit ,I just go on and on but my apologies. I am 22 myself and my partner is 25 going on 26 ,and the other girl is 25

This sounds very immature, all of it.

Sorry so at that bit she’s made a comment when I had brought my daughter round to her house with my partner before and my daughter was crying until she picked my little one up and after a few mins she had stopped crying this girls just said too me “you need the boobs for this that’s why she’s stopped crying “

If my 'best friend' had randomly blocked me they wouldn't be my best friend after that.

You can't control who your partner does and doesn't talk to. If you need to do this to prevent him cheating the relationship isn't worth it. If he isn't intending to cheat but you feel the need to control who he does and doesn't speak to you because don't trust him, the relationship isn't worth it.

Such a lot of pointless drama.

You mean what I am saying ? I’m just stating how uncomfortable I am , I can’t really control how I am feeling inside

Aren't paragraphs brilliant?! I'm afraid it doesn't make much sense but I'll try and reply.

So you haven't seen hard evidence of anything untoward happening but they're both acting oddly and not like normal, settled friends. He's deleting messages and blocking her intermittently and she is drawing attention to her body, presumed to be for his benefit.

He is also deflecting any oddness onto you by saying he is only hiding things because you are likely to overreact.

How long have you been together? Is it his baby?

I'd get rid personally. I have no problem with my partner having female friends but would not accept this messing about. I've no idea what's being said in their deleted messages but wouldn't you prefer a simple, open hearted relationship where you don't feel on the back foot?

The worst part is the deflection onto you. No good comes of accepting manipulative behaviour.

This is at best extreme immaturity. If you're not keen to jack things in then have a serious conversation laying out the facts and how they affect you. Make clear you're a mum now, not a school child, and only want to accept and model healthy relationships. Don't get into 'yeah but no but' with him. His behaviour is not in line with a grown man in a relationship whose best friend happens to be female so you want to know what is happening.

When you're writing something you need to use punctuation, otherwise you put people off.

Try a comma (,) where you'd take a pause, and a full stop (.) where you'd stop talking. If you move onto the next subject start a new paragraph. This will make the whole thing easier to read.

In relation to your problem, have they been friends the whole of your relationship?

If they were best friends he wouldn't have blocked her.. sounds a bit suspicious to me. Also sounds like you're a bit insecure about your own breast size..?

Yes you can. We all can - how the behaviour of others affects us is a choice. Accept it or don’t and leave if you don’t.

I can understand fine , what do they talk about in the messages ?

Also, you say you can't control how you're feeling inside, that's probably because this relationship is bringing out the worst in you. If you were with someone who didn't make you feel this way you'd be a lot happier..

From what I can gather it sounds like his best friends are a male/female couple, and you don't like him being friends with the female.

What exactly is the problem? Have they previously been in a relationship? Has he cheated?

How is he "making" her feel?

She’s his friend but also his friend’s girlfriend? I don’t see any issue with them being friends or any reason for you feeling this way. The hiding it would be the only thing I would have an issue with.
As for the boob comment. I have large breasts and when I have comforted children in the past people have said that’s why- it’s apparently I thing. Not sure I agree but I don’t think she meant anything by it. Possibly trying to comfort you, making excuses as to why she was able to comfort the child if anything. Are you insecure about your breasts? Because I assure you having large ones is not that great. They are heavy. Her expressing this is probably just she’s outspoken and comfortable around yous, whereas you are seeing it as flaunting and sexual.
Hiding and deleting messages is definitely the biggest issue I see here. Speak to your dp and have a clean slate on the promise he won’t do that going forward, but also you won’t give him a hard time unless there is anything actually inappropriate

What exactly are you worried about? That he fancies her? That they share things that he doesn't share with you?
Best friends do share things, no matter what the sex. And that includes about their partners. You could ask him not to reveal anything confidential, but hopefully he already knows not to do that.
As for the comments his friend made, I probably would have said 'don't be ridiculous and there's not anything I can do about that so why say it'? It was insensitive of her to say.
But frankly you are all adults, so act with maturity. If he wanted her to be his girlfriend then surely she would be as presumably they knew each other before you came on the scene? Be friendly, but you don't have to be her friend. And stop this thing with the worrying about the texts. Friends text each other.

Sorry, you sound about 12. If you trust him stay with him, if you don't then leave.

Don’t be with a man with a girl best friend. That’s the answer.

You're uncomfortable because they message each other and he has been deleting their messages and has even said he won't send kisses in the messages anymore.
Yeah, thats why you are uncomfortable with it. He hasn't been upfront and open about it and it all sounds a bit dodgy. Soon as they delete messages because 'you wouldn't approve of them chatting', thats probably the time to throw in the towel.

If it was a normal friendship it wouldn't even enter his head to delete messages to and from her because there would be nothing dodgy to delete. Unless he deletes all his message from all his mates? Highly doubt that.

And she made a dig at you having smaller boobs than her? Not really the nice thing to do when meeting your mates girlfriend is it. I think you'd be better off without that sort of confusion in your life.

She sounds horribly snide. Implying your baby likes her because she has boobs (implication being yours are small?). I'd have told her to fuck off for that.

Did your partner not hear it?

I'd stop seeing her.
I couldn't get worked up if he wanted to message her or her partner unless I suspected he fancied her or something.

It does kinda sound like he is trying to make you think something is going on though. Trying to make you have a problem with it.

Has he form for creating drama?

This may be one of the kindest, most helpful things I've seen anyone do on Mumsnet. Kudos!