OLD

[Fbshe]

I’m 4 months into online dating and wondering if there is any point to it. I’m not sure if it is something I am doing but it seems every man I speak to just wants me to send nudes, I can speak to them for days and it all seem friendly and then as soon as there is a suggestion of meeting up they send me a dick pic or ask me to send them something. I always block at this point because I think it sets the tone of what is wanted from the relationship. There has also been several times where early on they “just check” that I would be willing to do anal, one very kindly responded letting me know it is the done thing these days and I won’t get far saying no, apparently “all girls rim men” too.

I just feel so disheartened. I have hobbies but there are no single men that attend and I just don’t have time to do anymore. Where can I meet someone? I’m only 31 and would like to meet someone to eventually settle down with.

I was OLD for 18 months and those type of messages only happened within the first few messages so I’d unmatch but it was rare.

Are you comfortable posting one of these conversations? It might uncover the issue.

Just to update (you probably don’t care)! I have a second date on Monday with someone I matched with following the tips given above. There was a kiss at the end of the date but he’s still kept it clean since. I’m feeling a lot better now I’m being stricter based on the advice given.

Are you feeling like you can't wait to see him again? That's all you need to consider re second dates. 'I can't wait to see him again except for x/y/z that he did/said on date 1' doesn't cut it.

Hopefully you have nothing but pure excitement :)

@Woodenwonder - your post kind of depressed me! I was only on tinder for about 6 weeks. Had about 500 matches and a lot of compliments but also some rather vulgar comments….it’s depressing to think those men view me as less than human or not worthy enough for bloody respect 😡

@WitheringTights000

Why is that depressing? There have always been lewd, unpleasant, disrespectful men. The men you met with won't have all been that way.

@Watchkeys - I guess because as you say, some of these men know what is socially acceptable, so if they behave in a way that's socially unacceptable, it's because they have decided that I'm not worth the effort!

I guess it feels kind of personal! It's not how I would treat anyone so yea, it's kind of disheartening to be treated that way.

How can it be personal? They don't know anything about you. Horrible people are horrible to everyone, indiscriminately. They end up in relationships with those who stick around. I think it's good practice, having these experiences of being approached and thinking 'No, f*ck off, mate.' It builds up self confidence so that if you do have a bad relationship, you're capable of walking away.

Oh definitely don't be depressed about it. Along the lines of what PP said, how can the behaviour of someone you've never met be a meaningful barometer of your worth?

It's imperative to get your confidence from within yourself otherwise you'll always be at the mercy of outside compliments and criticisms.

There will definitely be men that you are not attracted to physically who you will be casting aside on OLD without a second thought, (literally swiping) as you'll consider them not attractive enough to you for your time and that's just the way it goes - so you must not take it personally at all. It's a game of chance if anything, a little flutter if you will, that you might just win on.

Also OP, if you had 500 matches in 6 weeks - that's around 83 matches a week that you're making?! so you're possibly not being overly discerning?

I swiped right on 3 people and married one of them 😁

I’ve never ever contemplated sending any sort of picture or asked for any. I’m amazed that other men think it’s acceptable or will come to anything. It will be a criminal offence soon so it should reduce.

From a guys perspective, OLD is rough too and the majority of women I’ve talked to are tyre kicking. Many reveal that they’ve have just in the past week/month come out of a 10/20 year relationship and are using OLD as a means to either get male company for the evening or just want to talk while they come to terms with splitting with their ex.

I’m a busy professional with a demanding job so I don’t have a lot of spare time and it saddens me to have wasted many dates with women who clearly have held back critical information such as they are still living with their ex, or they are still married or revealing that they aren’t ready for a relationship but want to meet again. It’s soul destroying as I’m keen to meet someone and develop something beautiful and long term.

Single 18 months and counting. It was so easier when we all met in bars/clubs.