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Relationships

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Original poster

Moving abroad for DP?

35 replies

allthingspinkx · 03/07/2023 11:21

My DP & I have been together just over 1/2 year now which I know isn't that long and he's asked me to move abroad with him for his work early next year. He wants to live there for the rest of his life and start a family there etc. I'd love to live there but I'm scared I'm being silly moving for him without a proper commitment? I.e marriage/engagement.

Im 25F and he's turning 26M this month. We don't currently live together so this will be a first. I love him and could see myself with him for the rest of my life but I want to make sure im not being stupid here.

Any thoughts/advice?

OP posts:

liveforsummer · 03/07/2023 12:07

And I'd say you're far better not to be married at this stage. Keep everything separate for now. As above keep having dc out the equation and it won't cause any complications for you

Peony654 · 03/07/2023 12:11

Coolblur · 03/07/2023 11:35

I think if you were to do this you'd be better off not being married or tied in other financial ways so that if it doesn't work out it's easy to walk away.

I agree with this. If you can do your job from there, why not give it a go. I wouldn't sacrifice a job to go abroad.

Original poster

allthingspinkx · 03/07/2023 12:12

@liveforsummer thank you, yes in an ideal world I'd love to live with him first and be married before moving country for someone but we both want to move there asap as it's a better quality of life for us than where we currently are.

@OhBling thank you, your advice has really helped. I was thinking marriage was best to have first before moving but actually if it does all go wrong at least it's easy to get out and I'll only be back to where I am now, probably with more money saved!

OP posts:

tribpot · 03/07/2023 12:16

Is it really part of the UK or somewhere with a more complicated relationship to the British Isles, like Gibraltar or similar? I would just make absolutely sure of the tax situation, unless you're actually moving to Northern Ireland, which is decided not abroad!

It's somewhat risky to move abroad together having never lived together first, would you be able to stay in this place if you decided you didn't want to live with him? (I assume yes, since it's sort-of-UK).

mindutopia · 03/07/2023 12:22

Well, dh and I were together 6 months and when I decided I would move abroad to live with him. We didn't actually do it for another 2 years as I needed to sort out work and a visa (we were long distance during that time as dh needed to move back due to his own visa issues). So I don't think 6 months in is too soon to be thinking about this sort of thing and you're so young/childfree and really should be out travelling and having adventures, so I think the timing in your life is probably ideal.

But you have to want to live there (even if just short-term) and I would expect the same excitement on his part to live where I wanted to live. Dh would have swam across the sea to come and live with me if that would have been possible. Neither of us cared really what country we ended up in. We wanted to be together. I wouldn't be too tickled if he'd said he expected me to move for him but absolutely wouldn't consider it for me. If you aren't keen to live in this other country, then don't. If he really wanted to be with you and you couldn't or wouldn't move, he'd adjust his plans to see how the relationship panned out before making any long term decisions.

lastminutewednesday · 03/07/2023 13:19

What ohbling said. This could be a great adventure and work out amazingly. And if it doesn't you've literally got nothing to lose. Your twenties is the time for adventure and this seems a great opportunity to me!

AskNotForWhomTheBellCurves · 03/07/2023 13:21

You don't seem to be jumping for joy at the idea of this adventure.. ..

Speaking as someone who has emigrated (without a partner in my case) I don't think you have to be jumping for joy beforehand, and in fact if you are you might find you're setting yourself up for disappointment when reality sets in. It's more important that you don't have serious reservations, IMO.

OP what's your gut feeling about moving? Do you feel on an emotional level that it's potentially a stupid decision or are you just thinking about what other people might say if they knew your situation on paper?

Nugg · 03/07/2023 13:23

Maybe I'm odd but why not. What an adventure and if you can work there, I'm no seeing an issue?

Oopsiedaisyy · 03/07/2023 13:23

I moved with my DP to the UK, honestly, it made it easier as I needed a visa. Left him, stayed here. At your age I would definitely make the move, if it doesn't work out, explore the world a bit more!

Naunet · 03/07/2023 17:09

I think it’s a bit bonkers to do that for someone you’ve only known for 6 months who has told you he wouldn’t do the same for you! If you like an adventure though and would want to live in this place regardless of him, then I guess there’s no harm. Have you got any friends in this new place because if you’ll be working from home and not meeting people, you might feel very lonely? That’s something to consider.
The biggest warning though is to not jump in to having kids, otherwise he’ll have you pregnant, isolated and reliant on him, and if he turns out to be abusive, you’d be in a very bad situation.

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