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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I tell my DSis that her comments on my chemo body upset me?

27 replies

Ijustliveaquietlife · 03/07/2023 09:16

Bit of background: I am nearing the end of treatment for breast cancer. Had lump removed, both breasts reduced and all lymph nodes removed because cancer had spread. Last chemo this week and then Radiotherapy.
My DSis called me over the weekend for a chat and she made comments about my body being bloated from my treatment and asked if the bloating would go afterwards. I was a bit taken aback by her bluntness tbh. I don’t remember what I said back to her but changed the subject and cut the call short.
It has been playing on my mind all weekend and I now feel judged by the way I look – Up until now I have just been getting on with it one day at a time, but now I wonder if other people are judging me because of the way I look? I have lost my hair too so my confidence is pretty low.
I feel like I should tell my DSis but have no idea how to word a response to her without upsetting her. My DS thinks I should let it go, but it is really playing on my mind. Will it make me feel better if I tell her?
I would really appreciate some words of wisdom from MN.

OP posts:
Lovingitallnow · 03/07/2023 11:42

I'd say to her there's so much going on with your body at the moment that you need to be a comment free zone, and things that previously weren't a big deal now are. You're taking things to heart and quite sensitive about everything so best to just say nothing. I'd say she's unaware she upset you, if my mom was quite bloated I think I'd say it to her and visa versa. But similarly I know I've stood post partum in a fitting room sobbing in front of my mom because she said a gross dress looked gross.

reabies · 03/07/2023 12:36

I think you've had some good advice and I don't have anything useful to add other than I am 4 years post surgery/chemo/radio for BC and I'm wishing you all the best with the rest of your treatment and recovery Flowers All of it takes such a toll on your mental and physical health that dealing with clumsy (at best) and hurtful comments by other people is the last thing you need. I hope that speaking to your sister makes her more aware and thoughtful in future.

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