Anti social other half

[MissLB]

My husband is so anti social. He doesn't really have any friendships. He only contacts his family if I pester him. When my family visit he often doesn't sit with them. If he does sit with them, he sits and plays on his phone and does not engage with the conversation. If I have friends over, he often doesn't even say hello.
I've brought this up with him numerous times and he says he can't just turn on his social battery after a long day at work. But yesterday for example, my family visited over the weekend and he wasn't at work all day. He didn't even leave the house yesterday so his social battery can't have been used up. Then took himself to bed really early saying he felt unwell but I know it was to get out of sitting with them.
I love him loads when it's just us two, it's perfect but add anyone else into the mix and I end up feeling annoyed. I don't take him to social events, I just make up an excuse about why he can't go because I'd be embarrassed about him sitting looking unhappy and not interacting with people. Sometimes I miss out, so the excuse covers both of us. I'm worried this is going to ruin our relationship over time.
Any advice?

I don’t think you’re likely to get him to change when this is how he is- he doesn’t like socialising. Would have been a dealbreaker for me

I'm all for not being a people pleaser and having boundaries, but he is actually rude!

How long were you family there for? Does he cook? I find taking myself away to cook / sort drinks is a socially acceptable way to get a bit of breathing space.

But does he actually have any social battery? How did you meet?

I'm inclined to agree with the poster above saying he's not likely to change, OP. He just doesn't like socialising.

I had an ex who was a bit like this and it made everything I wanted to do in life such hard work. I just needed someone who was a bit more engaged. It's part of the reason things didn't work out between us - we wanted different things. Maybe it's similar for you.

I'd dump, frankly. Can't stand bad manners.

I went out with someone like him.

So glad It ended.

I ended up meeting the man of my dreams and have one DC and another on the way.

He's now engaged apparently.

We just weren't meant to be 🙂

They were here overnight. I'd mentioned last time he was here that taking himself to another room wasn't acceptable. So he did sit with us but on his phone.
My mum used to turn a blind eye to it and not mention it but she brought it up this weekend. And I found it quite embarrassing. I'm going to speak to him again tonight when I get home from work and lay it out on the line that if things don't change I can't stick around feeling like this forever.

It sounds like you are social and he isn't, neither is right or wrong. However, he should make an effort with family and close friends, to be polite, but just understand for some people socialising is draining and not fun!

You're an extrovert and he's...not.

I'd probably be annoyed if I got 2 days off work and had to spend one with my inlaws. And I'm relatively ambiverted. I'd make an effort, sure, but some people, sometimes, just don't have that in them.

Not sure how you got to the point of marrying someone that so obviously does not fit your lifestyle. Unless he wasn't always like this?

Surely it's perfectly normal to have family stay over at a weekend once in a while?

I'm an introvert and generally find having guests difficult and draining, but I make the effort for the sake of family and loved ones.

I don't think being introverted is an excuse for being bloody rude and treating the family you've married into like a nuisance.

That probably depends on what they are like.

And in part, on how much notice he was given that they were coming to stay.

He is not antisocial. He an introvert. That’s okay

Introvert is ok rude is not.

My friend DH is like this. I actually don't mind that he's not interested and would rather not be part of things. But excuse yourself and bow out of the occasion with some manners, it's the gracious way to do exhibit your disinclination to give a shit about their company.

Sitting with people but ignoring them, or eating with them but making no conversation and just fecking off parkway through without a 'enjoy the rest of your evening, bye from me' or whatever is just rude lazy and shit.

So, fine, be a solo sort, but find your manners don't just rub people's face in it.

Has he always been like this? How long have you been with him?

He should be able to say hello and spend five minutes making small talk. He obviously doesn't want to, but tell him it's non-negotiable.
Apart from that, it sounds as if you're going to have to rely on friends to go out with if you want a social life.

Probably since before July 2023....... would be my guess... 😄

why are you covering up? Just say he is very introvert, and doesn't like socialising. Why would you make excuses and pretend?

You can be an introvert and not be a shockingly rude arsehole at the same time.

Op, your mother must be horrified that you married a man like this. His behaviour is shameful and inexcusable. The lack of respect he has for you is just appalling.

Maybe he just can't cope with social interactions, you know, anxiety and stuff? Some people find it extremely difficult being in company and just don't know what to say or how to interact. It doesn't come naturally to everyone and it's ridiculous to suggest leaving him if this is something he genuinely struggles with.

Double posted lol