Over reacting?

[constantcraving19]

Been with my husband for 11 years. 2 kids. Things have been up and down over the years but one thing that has always particularly bothered me is I never feel he has my back.
An example of this was when I had PND. I asked him not to tell people. I found out he had been telling friends. He defends himself by saying I was being hard work and he needed to talk. Fair enough to a close friend but these were not close friends.
A few other things have happened over the years which have made me question his loyalty but not enough for me to take things further until now.
I'm not sure if I'm over reacting but I've realised he's been bad mouthing me to a barmaid in our local pub. He goes to the pub frequently (another story) and we haven't been getting on very well lately. I went into the pub and felt instantly that there was a really weird atmosphere.
A just knew he had been talking about me.
I left it a few days then confronted him and said I knew he had been talking about me in the pub as I'd been told. He admitted he had as I was doing his head in. His words.
I just feel like it's so childish and disrespectful. I haven't made a big deal about it or mentioned it since but I'm struggling to move on from it. Am I over reacting?

I hd pnd and my dh kept it private for a while but it was eating away at him too so he needed to talk to others about it. He needed to vent, to be upset, to just talk. At the time I was hurt and felt embarrassed but now I’m glad he spoke to people, he needed to tell others how he was feeling too. I understand you’re hurt from your dh telling others.

Everyone moans about their other half and I guess going to the pub is a sort of hobby so he’s venting with what he would probably see as a friend. That’s really annoying, especially as it’s a public place and you now don’t feel very welcome as the barmaid, and others, will only be getting his side of the story and j can imagine he will be exaggerating to make him doing hard done by.

Talk to him again, explain you feel hurt but you understand his need to talk to others, just ask why it needed to be this particular barmaid and not friends? Is he getting tipsy and talking for the sake of talking or does he find her slightly good looking and want to win her over with how good a partner he is?

Whatever it is, your feelings are valid. You’re entitled to feel the way you feel and he can’t tell you otherwise. It’s up to you to get him to see your point of view or move on. If it’s too much then maybe take some time apart if things have been a bit difficult lately.

Thank you for your reply. It's good to get another view.
I did understand him needing to talk about the pND but it was just who he decided to talk to about it really. Nosey mums from school who I had to see every day.

I just feel like he always has to get his side out to everyone first regardless of how it makes me feel. I'm much more private and I feel him discussing things with people we hardly know very disrespectful. He keeps crossing the line with this even though I explain time and time again how hurtful I find it.
My feelings are dismissed and he turns into the victim.
I've got lots to think about I think. Thank you again.

He's a fake and a phoney.

It has nothing to do with needing someone to talk to. It has to do with kicking you whilst your down.

I bet he's shit support too.

I'd also hazard a guess that - he is a Debbie downer regarding things you want to do or are excited about. That he acts miserable or causes drama on holidays or occasions that aren't all about him. That he tells you you are overly sensitive or that you always misunderstand him.

That any time you mention his behaviour he turns it round and makes himself into the victim...sulks, gives you silent treatment or punishes you in some way for daring to call out his bs. Any of that familiar?

My exH told everyone I was suicidal when I wasn't doing well.

I told him about my mental health decline and he told me I had annoyed him, couldn't be there for me. So I left him. Sadly he lost his son dad to suicide.

He attended a wedding that we were both invited too alone and told the whole table how I had voices in my head who were telling me to kill myself. He told everyone he knew.

He knew he was the reason I felt so low but had to act like the victim because of his father. Couldn't be his fault his wife left him

We live in a place where everyone knows everyone and everyone knew about my personal issues. I don't really care now but at the time I was devastated