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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Argument

21 replies

Clara44 · 02/07/2023 21:12

Ive just had a massive argument with my husband.
For a few weeks now he has been a shoulder to cry on for his bosses wife. The boss told his wife he had been unhappy for 5 years and he wanted to separate. Husband is saying his boss is a disgrace treating his wife like that.
My take on it was he’s said he’s been unhappy for 5 years that’s a long time to be unhappy. It’s none of our business and she shouldn’t be talking to my husband about her marital issues.
Fast forward to tonight and I’ve just worked 7 days straight and he says something sarky to me so I told him instead of giving me underhand comments career advice why don’t you give your bosses wife some advice as she’s not worked a day in 30 years !!!!!!!
he replied well I’m not married to her and that just really annoyed me. I’m tired and deserve some respect he came home later yesterday as he was listening to all her problems I find it weird.
AIBU ??

OP posts:
Mumtothreegirlies · 02/07/2023 21:17

YANBU he shouldn’t be talking to any women (unless he’s related to them) about their marital issues.

Original poster
Clara44 · 02/07/2023 21:18

Thanks that’s what I think totally overstepping a line

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 02/07/2023 21:19

It’s him not you.

2chocolateoranges · 02/07/2023 21:20

If he had been supporting his boss then fair enough but supporting the bosses wife is just strange!

Artycrafts · 02/07/2023 21:28

He's way too invested. Do you think there's anything going on between them????

Original poster
Clara44 · 02/07/2023 21:30

Dont think there’s anything going on between them but the whole situation is bizzare. He spends more time talking to her about her problems than me !!!!!

OP posts:
Artycrafts · 02/07/2023 21:36

The fact that you've just worked 7 days straight, and you're listening to her problems, via him, is really disgraceful. You must be exhausted..

Original poster
Clara44 · 02/07/2023 21:39

Exactly and why is he so interested ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Clara44 · 02/07/2023 21:39

He won’t discuss issues within our household

OP posts:
Door12345 · 02/07/2023 21:42

Sorry OP but there is more to this
How do they know each other? Is the associated Purley that she is the bosses wife are was they already friends ? Surely for the sake.of his employment he wouldn't want to get involved
How did she seek him out as a shoulder to cry on ?

Hiddenvoice · 02/07/2023 21:45

It’s really weird and I’d be really unhappy with my dh if he was doing it.
He seems overly invested and it’s crossing a line. It’s his bosses wife, not a friend or family member. Does the boss know that he is so pally with his wife?
They have been unhappy for a while, it’s their private life and something they need to resolve themselves. It’s very strange that the wife is going to him of all people to talk about it. Do they know each other well either from being friends or through work? Could there be an ulterior motive for her speaking to him about it?

Dacadactyl · 02/07/2023 22:13

Well if he was my husband I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms that he needs to pack in his Agony Aunt act immediately.

Honestly, I wouldn't stand for this for a minute.

Original poster
Clara44 · 03/07/2023 01:17

Ive told him he needs to stop it but he won’t listen

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 03/07/2023 06:52

Sorry op but you need to explain to him that this is affecting your marriage. If he can’t stop ‘supporting’ her then tell him you’re leaving. Sorry but I think there’s more going on than a strange new agony aunt type of thing. How long have they known each other?

CrazyArmadilloLady · 03/07/2023 06:57

Knight in shining armour - - - > emotional affair - - - >
actual affair.

That’s the tediously predictable trajectory, just FYI.

What he’s doing isn’t OK. However, the fact that he’s more interested in supporting her than even being nice to you, means you’ve got your work cut out for you if you want to salvage your relationship with him.

The question is - do you?

CurlewKate · 03/07/2023 06:59

He sounds massively over invested and a bit of an arse, and it's obviously an insane and inappropriate situation. But also "YANBU he shouldn’t be talking to any women (unless he’s related to them) about their marital issues." is ridiculous.

StopStartStop · 03/07/2023 07:05

Dont think there’s anything going on between them
I think he's listening in the hope of/to continue getting his leg over.
He came home later, yesterday? Right. Hmm.

GoodChat · 03/07/2023 07:08

It's not just an affair you need to worry about. The boss will find out about your H slagging him off eventually.

gloriawasright · 03/07/2023 08:32

The way he is behaving is a massive red flag.
Where is this "support" happening ? Do they meet outside her home?
I really would be very wary about all this.
He is one step away from an actual affair ( if that's not already happening)
Sorry op, this needs to be nipped in the bud now,and if he isn't willing to step back from her even when you tell him it's a big problem for you ,then there are three people in your marriage.

frozendaisy · 03/07/2023 10:56

She hasn't worked in 30 years.
She has marital problems.
She is lining up her next meal ticket.

Gcsunnyside23 · 03/07/2023 13:59

frozendaisy · 03/07/2023 10:56

She hasn't worked in 30 years.
She has marital problems.
She is lining up her next meal ticket.

Called it. This is what I thought too

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