My boyfriend called me fat

GarlicGrace · 02/07/2023 20:59

He's apologised.
It's normal to still be fatter 5 months after giving birth.
Put it behind you.

Are you super-sensitive about your size, or is there a background hum of insults you haven't mentioned?

Spectre8 · 02/07/2023 21:04

Hmm doesn't sound like he said you were far, he siad something about making it bigger...what did he mean. You interpreted it as though he was calling you fat and asked him..since you then brought your weight up he then responded to it...

He has apologised so id let it go cos it sounds like you misinterpreted something

Hiddenvoice · 02/07/2023 21:04

I’d try put it behind you, he’s been insensitive and apologised. It’s normal to still be bigger 5 months post partum. I guess he was trying to make a joke about adjusting the size and it’s hurt your feelings more than he expected.

Original poster

yvonneb13 · 02/07/2023 21:09

Yeah I think I have taken it to heart but
It just hurt me him thinking that.
I have let myself go a bit tbh but with having the baby everything is so tiring Might give me a kick up the arse to loose the baby weight

OP posts:

Spectre8 · 02/07/2023 21:12

yvonneb13 · 02/07/2023 21:09

Yeah I think I have taken it to heart but
It just hurt me him thinking that.
I have let myself go a bit tbh but with having the baby everything is so tiring Might give me a kick up the arse to loose the baby weight

Its never nice to hear it lets be honest but if its true and you acknowledge it try to just treat it as a fact and him just responding in a 'factual' way but with no intent to hurt you.

Just be kind to yourself u will lose it when you are able to e.g. not tired

Chocolateship · 02/07/2023 21:14

You haven't let yourself go, it's still pretty soon after pregnancy and giving birth which is a huge thing for your body to go through, let alone the sleepless nights and everything else that go along with having a newborn and young baby. When you feel ready take small steps if you want to toward feeling better in yourself, but don't be so hard on yourself. If he's otherwise decent and doesn't usually make you feel this way I'd chalk it down to him being thoughtless rather than horrible.

Chameleons39 · 02/07/2023 21:16

even if you are overweight to just say it like that isn't supportive or kind

Natty13 · 02/07/2023 21:38

Helped taking over all baby, housework and cooking duties for an hour a few times a week while you get to the gym then? That's how I lost my baby weight during mat leave...my DH did it all so I could have some time to myself which I used to exercise (though there were also times I used it to go for a coffee in peace!)

Natty13 · 02/07/2023 21:59

Natty13 · 02/07/2023 21:38

Helped taking over all baby, housework and cooking duties for an hour a few times a week while you get to the gym then? That's how I lost my baby weight during mat leave...my DH did it all so I could have some time to myself which I used to exercise (though there were also times I used it to go for a coffee in peace!)

Autocorrect fail there. Meant to say "is he offering to" instead of "helped"

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/07/2023 22:02

Sorry you’re upset. You’re feeling sensitive and defensive and he could have chosen not to comment. Try and put it past you.

SunflowerTed · 02/07/2023 22:04

yvonneb13 · 02/07/2023 20:56

Shit day feel like shit and he's been told and I'm not sure where it leaves us. We had a wee argument today over something stupid and then I got him to help me with the baby carrier and he was like yeah of course got to make it bigger and then I was like what's that suppose to mean trying to say I'm big and he was like yeah actually a little you have put on weight. Baring in mind I had a baby 5 months ago. He's apologised and said he doesn't think I'm fat ect Blah blah but I'm just not sure where it leaves us as I'm so hurt

Not sure what you mean by ‘not sure where it leaves us?’

ArseMenagerie · 02/07/2023 22:09

I’d guess that OP means ‘not sure where it leaves us’ as in I’m not sure how I feel as I’m so hurt and wondering how I can get back to normal.
Fat shaming a new mum is a shitty thing to do and it’s him and not your body that’s wrong here.
If you want to get some exercise that should be separate from a losing weight goal and part of feeling good about yourself.

Pinkbonbon · 02/07/2023 22:54

Why would making the baby carrier bigger be a dig about YOUR weight? I mean...you aren't the one sitting in it are you? xD

Sounds like you goaded him into saying what he said tbh.

GreyCarpet · 03/07/2023 00:17

His comment seems to have been about adjusting the size of the baby carrier?

That's not an insult.

You asked him if you are bigger now amdbhe said yes. That's not an insult either.

Where does it leave you? In the place that most couples are with a 5 month old baby surely?

If you are bigger now that's just a fact. Not an insult. Not if he wasn't saying it to upset you.

GreyCarpet · 03/07/2023 00:46

Fat shaming a new mum is a shitty thing to do and it’s him and not your body that’s wrong here

Did he fat shame though? Because from the OP's own post, he said something about making the baby carrier bigger. Rather than just agreeing, she challenged him on what he meant and did he mean she was big. If she is bigger, it doesn't sound like it was meant as an insult or a criticism. Especially as his comment when challenged was, "Yeah, you have put on a little weight."

There are a number of women who post on here because their husband's have called them whales and fat cunts when carrying a bit of baby weight. I understand the OP is feeling sensitive about it but what he said is hardly in the same vein.

Most women are bigger 5 months after giving birth than they were before becoming pregnant. It's just a thing.

TheoTheopolis23 · 03/07/2023 07:36

Pinkbonbon · 02/07/2023 22:54

Why would making the baby carrier bigger be a dig about YOUR weight? I mean...you aren't the one sitting in it are you? xD

Sounds like you goaded him into saying what he said tbh.

You adjust the belt part for the adult using it.