Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are men affectionate?

24 replies

Losforwords · 02/07/2023 20:38

I Can’t help but to wonder, are the men in your life affectionate towards you? I mean your husbands your fathers your grandfathers, how do they show affection to you?
Based on my experiences men are just never showing any love but recently i started wondering whether I should be putting up with it? Never heard “I love you” from my husband or even my father but maybe there are other ways they express their feelings that I am failing to see?

OP posts:
Newtrix · 02/07/2023 20:41

Yes, very. Both my Dad and stepdad would never end a phone call or visit without saying they loved me and my husband tells me numerous times a day.

Louisetopaz21 · 02/07/2023 20:43

My dh is very affectionate and loving towards me and tells me everyday he loves me and holds me all night. I am guessing everyone has different ways of expressing themselves but as long as they respect you.

AndTheSurveySays · 02/07/2023 20:43

Dh shows and tells me he loves me multiple times per day, just like my father did when I was growing up (and still does during a visit or phone call).

bibbityboppityboo · 02/07/2023 20:44

Some people in general aren't very affectionate with their words, some people used gestures / gifts / acts of service etc to show their love.

My DH tells me he loves me, but he also remembers my favourite snacks and drinks when we're out, carries the heavy things in the shops for me, checks things like my car tire pressure and fills it up with fuel when he drives it, he brings me thoughtful things home when he's away with work or friends, cooks my favourite tea when I've had a bad day at work etc etc. He shows me he loves me every day.

My grandfather used to pick my favourite flowers before I went round, he'd keep clippings from papers on things he thought might interest me, would go on evening walks around the garden looking for animals etc etc. He'd tell me he loved me every time he saw me!

Does your husband do things for you? Things he knows you like? Does he look after you or things like that? Not everyone's expressive with words but if he knows it matters to you he could maybe try to express it more. Has he genuinely never told you he loves you? Not even when you got married or when he proposed (assuming he did!)?

Dacadactyl · 02/07/2023 20:46

My dad isn't affectionate and if I go in for a hug he bristles 😂The only time he's ever hugged me first was when I announced I was pregnant at 21 (with no job, no home, having just graduated uni) His parents weren't affectionate with him growing up so I think it feels odd to him.

My DH is affectionate at times, but usually just when he's feeling up for it tbh. But that doesn't bother me.

TedMullins · 02/07/2023 20:47

Yes, my partner is very affectionate in words and actions. My dad no. Men aren’t all the same, just like women aren’t. I’m not affectionate except to romantic partners.

RosesAndHellebores · 02/07/2023 20:48

I was very close to my maternal grandfather - kindred spirits and also to my father - more in similarity of personality. Neither were especially demonstrative.

DH is very affectionate. Every night he holds my hand and says he loves me and every morning when he wakes up he snuggles close and tells me he loves me. We have been together for nearly 35 years, married for 31.

No affection exists between my mother and I.

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 02/07/2023 20:49

Try Googling ‘Love Languages’. People vary greatly and show they care in different ways.

SpringleDingle · 02/07/2023 20:51

My Dad is affectionate and often gives me a hug. He is kindly in his words and will buy me the odd little gift or help me out if I need. My boyfriend is affectionate. He provides lovely cuddles and compliments.

stephaniezanoni · 02/07/2023 21:23

My husband is extremely affectionate. Always grabbing hold of me for a hug/kiss and handholds and tells me he loves me numerous times a day. My dad sometimes says I love you at the end of a phone call.
I could probably do with being more affectionate, it's not that I don't love my husband, I do very much but I think some people show it in different ways. I think we are all supposed to have a love language and mines practical. (That might have just been some crap I read in a magazine though!)

mondaytosunday · 02/07/2023 21:23

Yes. My Dad had a difficult upbringing with little affection but was very loving. My husband was too. And I'm glad to say my son (19) is also very affectionate!

Muchamucha · 02/07/2023 21:27

Dad & brother weren’t affectionate, and I always presumed this was the norm for men. But my DH is very affectionate with me, I presumed he was love bombing me for the first couple years and kept waiting for him to stop being affectionate but he still is 🥰 so there are some that can be ❤️

RattyHealy · 02/07/2023 21:28

Husband, dad and one grandad very affectionate and loving. Other grandad was pretty cold.

Thinking about the other men in my life, they're almost all very loving and express that with their families.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/07/2023 21:32

Never heard “I love you” from my husband

That is incredibly sad. I hear it every day several times a day. And he means it.

I think it would be extremely unusual to get to the point of marrying someone without hearing it. Unless you're from a culture where marriage isn't all about love matches.

MyMachineAndMe · 02/07/2023 21:38

Too much affection would annoy me. If feel very overwhelmed by the amount of attention and physical touch some pp are describing.

Dh is affectionate at times but not at others. I feel like I don't need it to feel loved and safe.

MyMachineAndMe · 02/07/2023 21:41

MyMachineAndMe · 02/07/2023 21:38

Too much affection would annoy me. If feel very overwhelmed by the amount of attention and physical touch some pp are describing.

Dh is affectionate at times but not at others. I feel like I don't need it to feel loved and safe.

Having said this, it's most likely because my mum wasn't overly physically or verbally affectionate but it was obvious she loved us and was proud of us. My dad was very "huggy" but in a squeeze-the-life-out-of-you way and I hated it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/07/2023 21:46

Yes, very. No more nor less than the women in my life. My husband, brothers, dad and male friends hug, my husband tells me he loves me every day as I do him. My teen step son still likes a hug.

Do you tell your husband you love him? I find it hard to imagine marrying someone without them saying they love you, and vice versa, being a thing and I’m not clear if you wish things were different or are just wondering.

pimplebum · 02/07/2023 21:58

Also suggest you look up "love languages"
if your husband doesn't say I love you that may be ok if he meets your needs using one of the other ways

I personally don't need to hear I love you as often as I do ( everyday) because the OH shows it in actions
I. E remembers to by my fav food when they go shopping , looking after me when sick or feeling down / stressed, never mentions any weight gain and always tells me I look lovely on date nights, pulls more than their weight with the chores and kids - those actions are way more important to me than chocolates and flowers types of love which I think of as easily bought because anyone can run into a shop and buy a bunch of flowers and say I love you - give me a man who scrubs vomit of a bunk bed at 2 in the morning with good humour any day

EarthSight · 02/07/2023 22:11

I suggest you take love languages suggestions with a pinch of salt.

I think it's mainly women who pour over the details of this, usually in some kind of attempt to understand why their unloving, cold, emotionally constipated husbands are the way they are. It's usually women who look at this theory when they're thinking 'Ok so I suppose he does love me......so I guess I should feel more satisfied than I am because he's showing me he loves me in his own way'.

Personally, I don't think it's normal or healthy never to hear 'I love you' from your husband. It's one of the milestones of a relationship. It doesn't mean they actually do love you of course, and doesn't mean very much if his actions are different to what he's saying, but I just think it's odd not to say it.

EarthSight · 02/07/2023 22:16

@pimplebum those actions are way more important to me than chocolates and flowers types of love which I think of as easily bought because anyone can run into a shop and buy a bunch of flowers and say I love you

That almost sounds like a false dichotomy to me. When my partner tried to negotiate down my needs (like something as basic as being given a birthday card, or be given something for Valentine's Day), he liked to point out that he did his fare share of the dishes.....as if he was a flipping saint for not being a chauvinist, for doing something he would have been doing anyway, and as if I had to choose between those two things.

I didn't have to choose. He could have done both, but simply didn't want to.

CallieQ · 02/07/2023 22:26

Partner yes, Dad no 🥺

mastertomsmum · 02/07/2023 22:27

Yes, like women they are not all the same

Smartiepants79 · 02/07/2023 22:36

Yes, the men in mine are.
DH very affectionate with me and our girls.
My dad and grandads all loving and affectionate to the women in their lives. A different generation so it showed itself a little differently but was 100% there.

CuteCillian · 02/07/2023 22:39

My DH is much more loving than me, I'm just not a touchy-feely person.He always instigates holding hands for example, and that is quite nice.
We do say "I love you" most days.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread