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Relationships

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Original poster

New boyfriend

18 replies

WinterWanderland · 02/07/2023 13:43

Hey all! Two months ago, I met this amazing man while on a night out. I was with my friends, he was with his, and due to some mutual friends, we all ended up hanging out. I had never met him before but we spent hours just talking about everything and anything. I feel silly but it felt like I’d known him forever.

Over the last 2 months, we’ve hung out a few times and there’s definitely something there. Last night, we went out and things progressed quite a bit (no details being shared but… yeah 😂). We went out for breakfast this morning and he said there’s no pressure, but he would like for this to be an official thing. Exclusive.

I’ve always been a bit commitment shy (trust issues, though I’ve done a lot of work on these). Is 2 months of knowing someone too little time to enter a relationship? Is it too early to commit yourself to someone?

OP posts:

EBearhug · 02/07/2023 14:11

Are you thinking of dating anyone else? My new man, we never said we'd be exclusive, but we didn't really have time to see anyone else, and I certainly wasn't introduced to his parents as one of many.

It's easy not to have new dates with other people - you just don't arrange them. If you have any other ongoing FWBs or fuckbuddies, then you would have to let them know things are coming to an end. How would you feel about that?

When I started dating, I made a rule I wasn't giving up existing friends or activities for dates - I've stuck with that, whether dating one or many, and it means no one takes over my entire life.

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 14:15

Is 2 months of knowing someone too little time to enter a relationship? Is it too early to commit yourself to someone

What guidance do you think the rest of us have that you don't have access to, OP? This is like posting to say 'Is it too soon for me to have my lunch?'

It's your decision, for you, based on you, and you are responsible for it. So you do what you want, when you want to. Nobody can call it for you, or even advise you. Many couples knew the minute they laid eyes on each other that it was forever. Many have thought so and been proven wrong. Many don't commit fully for years. There is no right answer.

Dotcheck · 02/07/2023 14:18

He seems to just be asking that you both only date each other. Doesn’t mean you’re in love or about to get married

gogomoto · 02/07/2023 14:19

2 months is lots of time, I wouldn't go on a second date let alone "yeah" unless it was exclusive. Sorry but I don't get multiple dating??

I felony dating apps the day I met dp in person for the first time, he had deleted his before we actually met up! When it's right you know, if you are hesitant, think why...

Riverlee · 02/07/2023 14:42

You’re dating, not getting married.

In the good ol’ days, there was no such thing as ‘the exclusivity talk’. Basically boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, you were a couple, and if you were seen to be dating someone else, you were known as a two timer (and a lot worse), and often dates were arranged after meeting for the first time.

So in answer to your question, yes, two months is fine. He’s not asking for your hand in marriage, but asking for you to be his girlfriend.

yellowsmileyface · 02/07/2023 15:42

It's not like you're opting to get surgically attached at the hip. You can still end the relationship at any point, for any reason at all. You can change your mind any time. He essentially just wants to establish a dynamic in which neither of you are dating anyone else, so it really just depends if that's what you want too. And if at any point it's no longer working for you, you can end things.

80s · 02/07/2023 16:06

With internet dating it's not unusual to date multiple people at once because they are basically blind dates. Personally, I wouldn't sleep with multiple people. But even that is not unheard of, so if that's what you want, and you're honest about it, you don't have to go exclusive with this guy: you could sleep with other men too. Is that what you mean, though, if you say he's your "boyfriend"?

Original poster

WinterWanderland · 02/07/2023 16:32

I have no intention of sleeping with anyone else if we got together and I’m not currently sleeping with anyone but him. I’m not even “talking” to anyone but him - he’s the only one in my romantic life. Not on any dating websites either, never have been.

Open relationships are not my thing, so it’s not the exclusivity that’s any issue either. I just don’t know if 2 months is enough time to trust someone new.

OP posts:

80s · 02/07/2023 16:35

So you're OK with it being exclusive but you just don't want an official relationship; you want to sleep with him casually?

Original poster

WinterWanderland · 02/07/2023 16:37

No, I want the relationship with him. I’m just worried I’m jumping into things too fast.

As I mentioned, I’ve struggled with trust issues and allowing myself to get vulnerable in only 2 months is a bit scary to me. Just wanted to know if anyone else thought it was too soon, or if I’m just overthinking due to my issues?

OP posts:

80s · 02/07/2023 16:42

Let it progress at the pace you're happy with - e.g. say "I'd like us to be exclusive but I don't want to take things too fast", don't move in with him next week, don't have dates any more often than you want. If he is fine with that, you'll know you're on the same page. If not, you can happily wave him goodbye knowing he wasn't the right one for you.

BeautifulSloth · 02/07/2023 16:53

Of course it's too early to trust him. But you can still agree to being exclusive as thats what you want and are expecting anyway. Being official means different things to different people so I think you need to clarify what he wants and tell him what you want and how you feel about him now.

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 17:05

But what if you are overthinking because of your own issues? Does that mean that, if the idea of a relationship makes you feel scared or unnerved, you think you should just dismiss or over-ride how you feel?

You don't 'allow yourself to get vulnerable', you keep seeing someone, at your own pace, without feeling that they're putting pressure on you, until you realise that you are comfortable with being vulnerable.

It sounds like you're feeling fear, but thinking that that's a 'wrong' or 'inappropriate' feeling to have, so you should plough on regardless, because you want to be somehow normal?

Opentooffers · 02/07/2023 17:20

Yes, you are overthinking things. You can meet an untrustworthy person at any time. It's the person , not the time spent, though you have done all you can by giving it a couple of months to get to know him. So if he seems reliable now, and he's asking you for exclusivity, I'd say the signs are good.
Other options are, wait for someone who does not want to be exclusive and will most likely treat you like shit, or stay on your own for now - neither of which are an improvement.

Whattodowithit88 · 02/07/2023 17:28

It’s too early to trust, but that’s ok. Be exclusive if you want and let it flow but obviously be cautious, everyone should only a few months in because you don’t know them.

Ofcourseshecan · 02/07/2023 17:31

Is 2 months of knowing someone too little time to enter a relationship?

No, it’s a good amount of time. You’re getting to know him, and you don’t want to park him in the friend zone.

Is it too early to commit yourself to someone?
Yes, but agreeing not to date anyone else while you’re sleeping together is not making a commitment. It’s just basic politeness, treating each other decently.

You’re not saying you want to spend the rest of your life with him. It’s too early for that.

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 17:36

What do you mean by 'committing yourself' and 'entering a relationship', @WinterWanderland ? If you decide that he's your boyfriend, it actually makes very little difference to anything, unless you're talking about seeing other people. What aspect of 'committing yourself' do you struggle with?

Frogmila · 02/07/2023 22:10

It's pretty standard to ask to
become exclusive quite early if you get on well essentially I think because OLD is so popular that there's a culture of meeting several at once. It doesn't have to mean anything more than giving things a go whilst ruling out the risk of any confusion about where you stand. If being 'official' feels a bit serious then you could say you're happy to be exclusive but would like to take things slowly. If it's not working you just end things and move on.

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