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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend great on her terms

4 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 02/07/2023 09:28

How do you handle a friend that one on one is great and makes you feel like you are a good friend to her but in a group completely ignores you?

My daughter went to a house party last night with this friend and she came home quite upset. She said her friend started talking with someone else and turned her back on her to shut her out. She said this friend is quite loud and likes to take over conversations. There are occasions where my daughter feels she talks over her in these situations I did tell her that if something like that happens again that she needs to maybe leave to go to the loo and join a different group when she returns.

She said she doesn't want to say anything to her friend because it may make her look petty and she doesn't think this friend will ever change or understand.

My daughter is sociable, always there for her friends but doesn't ever seem to get this in return. She is always the one that if a friend was upset about something would be contacted. I wish she could find friends that appreciated her and treated her the way she treats them. I just dont know what more to say to her?

OP posts:
Theblacksheepandme · 02/07/2023 12:24

Anyone?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 13:29

There's no point saying anything to her; she's not going to start living according to your daughter's specifications. She's just a person who makes your daughter feel bad, so your daughter needs to drop her to make space for these fab friends who are coming in the future. It's a good lesson in choosing your people to suit you, and how miserable you are making yourself, if you fail to do so.

Pinkbonbon · 02/07/2023 17:13

I'd talk to her about how to spot fake friends.

I'd also get her to read up on overt narcissists and see if it rang a bell for her regarding her 'friend'.

The sooner we can learn to spot cluster b personalities- sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists (npd - covert and overt varieties) in friendships, potential partners, bossess/teachers ect...the better. It's a life lesson far more valuable than half the stuff they teach in school.

Sloth66 · 02/07/2023 20:35

Sounds like this girl is using her, basically blanking her when someone else is around. Rude behaviour and she isn’t a friend. Your daughter deserves better than being around someone who makes her feel bad. It’s a life lesson, the good thing is nicer people are out there for her.

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