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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling overwhelmed and undervalued

3 replies

FTM2B1 · 01/07/2023 20:56

Just that really - I've got a 1 year old and a husband. He and I have been together since we were in high school and I don't feel like he's grown with me in terms of domestic life.

I work 4 days a week compressed- so full time hours split over 4 days. I have one day off and I spend it with our DC to save on childcare costs (astronomical!). Husband works a full time Mon-Fri job and he does work very hard. We split finances I'd say 60/40 - there are a few costs he picked up while I was on ML that he still covers (payments on new plumbing, the water bill and TV licence). I do the vast majority of the domestic chores (today he was complaining he's got no clean pants - not my problem?!) And also plan meals, do the shop and typically oay for the groceries.

Anyway I told husband tonight, and not for the first time that I feel really undervalued and under appreciated and that I'm not really willing or able to keep it all going. He told me he wasn't ready to talk about it and would do so when he's ready?

I dont even have the energy to be angry with him but I feel like if I had it in me I'd be furious about that. I see divorce on the horizon if he won't contribute and acknowledge me. Which is very sad.

Not really sure what I'm looking for here, just screaming into the void to try and offload.

OP posts:
KellyanneConway · 02/07/2023 09:52

Posting to bump and also to say that my relationship with my DC’s dad ended for the reasons you have posted about. I remember also not having the energy to be angry or upset and became indifferent and started to plan my exit. Also has been together since teens and felt he didn’t grow with me and expected me to replace and be like his mum.

Frogpond · 02/07/2023 09:59

Can you stop doing everything? Don’t wash DHs clothes, do quick nursery food for you and DS. Just let it pile up. Let him see how much you do then tell in he has to either move out or help out.

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 10:39

Tell him that until he's ready to talk about it, you won't keep doing stuff for him. Leave the decision to him about when that set up changes.

Don't let the default position be the current one: change it to one that suits you. Get your own food, do your own washing. Tell him you're going to be doing that, and that you're ready to talk whenever he is.

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