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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel a massive twat but what can I realistically DO?

9 replies

Sofedupjustnow · 01/07/2023 17:21

Had an awful day today. 38 weeks pregnant, got up with DS and took him to his swimming lesson first thing. We came back and I asked DH if he’d watch him while I showered and changed. While I was in the shower I heard DS crying and came out to see he was in the garden with the back door closed on his own. Let DS in and he got hold of something he shouldn’t have had while I was in the shower, took it off him and he had a tantrum.

I was taking DS to an event at midday, DH had agreed to take us as parking can be tricky and I’m struggling to walk far. All I asked was could he pick up a couple of things for me (shower stuff.) After this event we met up with DH; lots of complaining about how much it cost (done in a ‘jokey’ way but still.)

DH constantly making life difficult all afternoon and these are small things and I know that people will probably jump on me for it but things like eating crisps in front of DS who then wants them and won’t eat the healthy snacks I have for him. Just a pain.

Took DS to a regular class I do with him Saturday afternoons and Dh is messaging grumbling I’ve put something back in the wrong place. I feel completely fed up, like I’ve done my absolute best for everyone all day and still all I’ve got is criticism. But what can you realistically do? So so fed up. Sad

OP posts:
Slavica · 01/07/2023 17:39

It's not you at all, it's him. You have a child and are pregnant. You don't deserve your DH criticizing you in such an unkind way.
Why was your son not being properly supervized in the garden? And why are you the one taking your child to all these events, why doesn't his father do part of this instead of having a go at you?

bracemyselfagain · 01/07/2023 17:45

Sounds like you already have two children; and a baby on the way ...
Really sorry your going through this OP - especially being so heavily pregnant.
He should be stepping up; and you should be putting your feet up ❤️

jolaylasofia · 01/07/2023 17:52

i'm just wondering why at 38 weeks pregnant you are doing a swimming lesson, an event and then yet another class. Can't hubby take DS? you need to get some rest

samqueens · 01/07/2023 17:52

Sadly all you can realistically do is leave. Two children probably wasn’t the greatest plan - he sounds like an absolute arsehole. Why isn’t he taking your DS swimming on a Saturday morning when you’re 38 weeks pregnant?! Why does he need to message you to tell you what you’ve done wrong at home?!

please download Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft on kindle app and read discreetly. Then take some time while on May leave to work out how long you want to tolerate this behaviour and how you’ll feel if your son emulates it as an adult…

sorry OP 💐

samqueens · 01/07/2023 17:53

Mat leave 🤦🏻‍♀️

Prelapsarianhag · 01/07/2023 17:56

Your DH sounds nasty. Here is a link to the book PP mentioned above:

https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Hibiscrubbed · 01/07/2023 19:50

He’s foul and abusive he knows you’re stuck, so he’s being a cunt to you.

LessonLearnedOrLearnt · 01/07/2023 19:54

Why isn't DS's dad taking him swimming while you have a lie in?

I'd let the boy have crisps at the weekend.

LessonLearnedOrLearnt · 01/07/2023 19:59

In fact I wonder if the DH doesn't feel pushed out of his son's life and resentful.

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