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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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AIBU?

10 replies

EssB · 01/07/2023 12:05

Hi all , I'm new to this so I don't know how to use alot of the stuff 😅 .
Me and may partner have been together 8 years, expecting our 3rd child. The relationship has been quite abusive financially emotionally and mentally . Anyway , in 2021 I received compensation for a spinal frcature , I wanted to use the money to get a car and pass my test. As soon as my partner found out the amount he took full control of the car purchase and basically chose a car which completly went against what I had wanted . He insured it himself as I hadn't got my license yet and practically took it as his own.
Fast forward to now and the car has been deemed a total loss as someone went into the back of it.
My query is , I think my partner should give the payment back to me as I purchased the car and it was essentially supposed to be my vehicle (he has another vehicle which he chose not to drive). This way I can get a car I want and not have the issue of before where I'm left with no transport . My partner is completly not listening to this and says its his money as he was the one insuring the car (I understand that, but I just think it's completly unfair of him to assume its his money when he didn't but the vehicle in the first place)
This is just one thing after another and I'm reaching my breaking point , whenever I bring this up he gets angry and starts shouting . I just wanted other people's opinions and whether it is me that's being unreasonable or what .

OP posts:
Cakesandbabes · 01/07/2023 12:21

My query is why are you still there.

Whataretheodds · 01/07/2023 12:27

His behaviour is unreasonable but you already know that.

You need to get yourself and your children out of this abusive relationship.

Please contact Women's Aid or similar.

Luxell934 · 01/07/2023 12:32

If theres already been years of financial, emotional and mental abuse then I think you already know the answer.

Who was driving the car at the time of the incident?

Babsexxx · 01/07/2023 12:38

Kinnnnn hell!!!! End the relationship and forget about the money getting rid of him will be worth it’s weight in gold!

I would get in touch with citizens advice regarding the money as you are in a abusive relationship but leaving him first is key here.

missmollygreen · 01/07/2023 12:56

Should he give you the money? Yes
Will he give you the money? No

You know you need to leave right?

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 01/07/2023 14:10

Hello @EssB - we're moving your thread to Relationships now. Take care.

pinkyredrose · 01/07/2023 14:13

Why are you with him?

Gettingbysomehow · 01/07/2023 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EssB · 01/07/2023 15:54

I must say your reply is disgusting. I hope you never have to go through any lathing which is remotely similar, my injury was not something which has lasted and affected my every day life however at the time the extent of the injury was serious.
As said , the car had been insured by him as he has a license . Unless I drive around uninsured and illegally . So it isn't a case of 'letting him take the car'
Your reaction shows to me that you have a very black and white image of a situation.
Work on your person skills and thunk before you speak

OP posts:
Cakesandbabes · 01/07/2023 16:40

She wasn't wrong though. You really need to rhink about the situation.
The car is the least of your problems here

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