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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I ridiculous to worry about him cheating?

4 replies

PicturePop · 01/07/2023 11:54

I do have a tendency to overthink things and I have really low self esteem so I could absolutely be clutching at straws here.

My boyfriend is a really busy man. If he’s not at work, he’s with friends, committing to his sport or with me. We don’t get a huge amount of time to do nothing.

He’s recently changed his role at work which he hates; it’s really getting him down. He’s been coming home at 8pm some nights. This has worried me but he has explained why, and he will sometimes leave me voice notes ranting about it during the day.

He also doesn’t post me anymore. He’s never been a huge social media poster but he last posted me in march. We went on a holiday at the beginning of May and he mentioned he loved the pictures and will post some. He hasn’t. I mentioned this as a passing comment the other day and he got annoyed, telling me to “stop bringing it up”. It worries me that he doesn’t want someone to see…

Also, when we have sex he is either not finishing or taking ages to finish. This has happened with him sometimes before, but it just seems more common now.

I just can’t put my finger on it, although I am a hugely anxious person and my gut feeling has been hugely wrong in the past. He gets really upset if he feels I don’t trust him and he says I need to be understanding of how busy he is.

Am I being ridiculous? Outside of all this he’s very loving and encouraging, and makes a huge effort to spend time with me. We don’t really look at each others phones but from glances, I’ve never seen anything suspicious.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 01/07/2023 12:05

I wouldn't say you are being ridiculous, but you do sound very anxious. He has told you he is very busy at work but it seems like you are looking for reasons to disbelieve him without much evidence. Could you have some therapy for yourself to help with your low self esteem and anxiety? It would stand you in good stead for the future no matter what the outcome is with this relationship.

PicturePop · 01/07/2023 12:19

Thank you, you’re probably right about therapy.
I don’t know if my worries are valid or completely silly, I just can’t shake it!

OP posts:
bambibrijwark · 01/07/2023 13:17

I'd be concerned about him taking longer than usual to finish/being unable to finish. But it could be stress that causes that.
Taken with the other thing of him not posting though, I'd probably be questioning it in the way you are.

bawchops · 01/07/2023 13:27

PicturePop · 01/07/2023 11:54

I do have a tendency to overthink things and I have really low self esteem so I could absolutely be clutching at straws here.

My boyfriend is a really busy man. If he’s not at work, he’s with friends, committing to his sport or with me. We don’t get a huge amount of time to do nothing.

He’s recently changed his role at work which he hates; it’s really getting him down. He’s been coming home at 8pm some nights. This has worried me but he has explained why, and he will sometimes leave me voice notes ranting about it during the day.

He also doesn’t post me anymore. He’s never been a huge social media poster but he last posted me in march. We went on a holiday at the beginning of May and he mentioned he loved the pictures and will post some. He hasn’t. I mentioned this as a passing comment the other day and he got annoyed, telling me to “stop bringing it up”. It worries me that he doesn’t want someone to see…

Also, when we have sex he is either not finishing or taking ages to finish. This has happened with him sometimes before, but it just seems more common now.

I just can’t put my finger on it, although I am a hugely anxious person and my gut feeling has been hugely wrong in the past. He gets really upset if he feels I don’t trust him and he says I need to be understanding of how busy he is.

Am I being ridiculous? Outside of all this he’s very loving and encouraging, and makes a huge effort to spend time with me. We don’t really look at each others phones but from glances, I’ve never seen anything suspicious.

Sounds maybe like stress. New role, longer work hours, affecting libido and finishing time? Even the not posting photos. Stress levels high, being exhausted after longer work days -> could be he is genuinely tired and a bit fed up. Can take joy out of even simple things like SM photos.

How is rest of relationship?

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