Grrrrrr! Anyone else had the "my life is much harder than you" argument?

[nickytwotimes]

DH and I had another one today. We've made up now, but I bet it's not the last one! Whatever I say, he always gets the last word - "Well at least you don't have to go to work!" Yes, that's right, I just sit on my bum all day eating bon bons and drinking gin while our toddler looks after himself then?

Think DH realises that going out to work is the easier option - mostly at least. Like this week - DS exhausting!

Enjoy your bon-bons in front of Jeremy Kyle.

Oh God - I could have written this post! I think men feel that because they work all day that their type of work is somehow more tiring than ours - but I beg to differ! A day at home is a lot bloody harder than a day at work. At least at work you get a lunch break!!!

I could rant for hours on this...but won't...as its your thread...

Message withdrawn

Rant away, puss! I'll probably agree with you anyway!
Lol at Jeremy Kyle

We have that all the time. My dh doesn't say the going to work thing though.

We mainly do competative fatigue.

If I have the energy I listen to him tell me how bad/tired he feels and am sympathetic, then I find he is nice back when I have my turn. But mostly we just argue

At the moment his life is OBVIOUSLY easier than mine as he doesn't have all day morning sickness.

Most days

And I work p/t

oh yes, this happens all the time, despite my working 2 days a week. but it turns out that dh's job is harder than my job too I dont ever recall him trying to teach 3 lots of 30 kids in 1 day...

though sometimes work is a blessed relief compared to being harassed by a toddler all day..

You mean it'll continue when I go back to work?
Er, Constance, nothing trumps the growing-a-new-person card for fatigue contests.

I had the audacity to rant at him about how tired I was when he first got in last night....I make a point of not doing that usually when I've had a tiring day as its not nice when you just walk in the door and boy did I regret it! Total bad mood for 2 hrs after! Then at 8pm he was sighing that DS was still awake and playing and I was like you twat! You've been in the door one hour - try nearly 13 hours of it!!!

ROLF
Our entire weekends are given over to competitive fatigue, usually

Ah, well, I seem to be in good company.
I am off to have a bath now as I am so tired. I shall send dh to the shop for more bon bons as I seem to be clean out of them. I'm sure he won't mind...

Competitive fatigue!!

Perhaps I have a very considerate dh (in this respect at least) ...

I like the way you have actually given it a name - competitive fatigue. Love it!

Enjoy your bath!

Give him a 'day off' spent just him and your lo... that'll sort it.

[raises hand]
[bursts into tears]

DH and I have had this, we came to a compromise though.
I freely admit that his work is more stressful and unrewarding as he doesn't particularly want to be there and he has a lot of responsibility (as in heavy machinery and dangerous equipment) whereas mine is more intensive with the unceasing toddler chatter and I never get any time off day or night, so the cumulative stress makes us even.

The plus sides for us both are that I chose to be here and if I don't feel like doing something I can normally not do it (getting dressed, going out, cleaning) and he is not allowed to comment, but he gets to get out of the house and have adult conversations.

Since we both went through our positives and negatives it has helped us cope a bit more as he will take over for awhile when he gets home as a way of destressing for both of us and buy the wine and I make him packed lunches a couple of times a week to cheer up his day at work.

nickeytwotimes - thanks for the vote on my side!

The tiredness has affected my spelling though
COMPETITIVE

My dh is a little unlucky about this one.

First, because I actually used to work for the same firm as he, doing more or less the same job (at least the heaviest parts thereof).

Secondly, because we shared the childcare during dd's first year. So he does know what it's like to be the SAHP.

We both know the difference between pushing a wheelbarrow up a ramp all day and listening to a toddler. I have had no silly comments in 11 years.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Oh yes, I remember these, we used to call it the "Who's the most hard done by" competition in our house.

"Well I got up twice last night while you were snoring and I changed that really shitty nappy"

"Well I did the feed and got up in the morning with them so its your turn"

Repeat ad nauseum.

Every bloody day!

What a waste of time, energy and emotion.

Just stop doing it.

If he starts, just say, "I'm sure we both have bits we love and loathe about our days. Fancy a cup of tea/shag/punch in the face?"

Don't even bother trying. They will never understand. When they do childcare, they don't also do 'managing the household'. They don't understand that they get recognition and 'positive strokes' through being in the workplace. We get same old same old and more of the same old, but we have to keep doing it because we're somehow sure it's the best thing for our kids.

Just tell him he's wonderful, marvellous, fabulous, amazing...and could he just watch DC for ooh a few minutes...

Then go and have a lovely nap. When you get up, tell him again how wonderful, marvellous and fabulous he is