Ex won't stop trying to contact me

[koal]

I was in a relationship for 3 years with someone who I gradually realised was abusive towards me. He wasn't physically violent (although did throw things around the house) it was mainly emotional abuse. He was controlling, scary and intimidating but then so polite and lovely to everyone else. Nobody would ever suspect he was horrible behind closed doors.

After 2.5 years we got engaged and that's when I started to see what was happening and started panicking about a life with him. We both lived far apart but would split our time together between both of our homes.

Eventually I ended it with him and he took it badly. All the usual promises of change and how he would do anything to sort things out and marry me. I said no and have ignored him ever since. This was around 9 months ago.

He still tries to contact me. He has stopped turning up at my house and I've blocked his number as he used to try to call me frequently. He then tried sending me letters in the post. I ignored all of these attempts at communication but now he has started sending me things in the post that I had left at his house. When we broke up I took absolutely everything essential from the home. The things he's sending are very insignificant. For example, he sent me a pair of socks and a tiny hair clip. He is in a new relationship and is still sending me these things that could just be put in the bin. I am also in a new relationship and my partner is getting upset at my ex still popping up in the background. I've started not telling him if I receive something because I don't want to give my ex the satisfaction of ruining my new relationship.

What should I do? Just carry on ignoring it and hope it stops? I feel reluctant to contact him to tell him to stop as I feel like that's exactly what he wants me to do. I hate feeling like he can force himself into my life and headspace by sending me a parcel.

He’s wanting a reaction from you. Don’t contact him, if he sends stuff back bin it eventually he will have to stop as there is nothing more to send

He's harassing you. Police to tell him to stop. What are you telling your new boyfriend that is upsetting him about the ex? I'm wondering if you're actually in another abusive relationship. He should be annoyed at the ex, not you.

It’s not your fault your ex is a nutter so finding yourself keeping things from your current partner is worrying. Following an abusive relationship you’re vulnerable to ending up in another one. You can be at risk of thinking this one isn’t as bad as the last one and ignoring red flags.

If you can’t be honest with him without worrying about his reaction - blaming you for something out of your control - this isn’t a good relationship for you.

Keep your ex blocked. He wants you to respond so just keep ignoring. Your new partner sounds awful. Why is he upset with you about something you can't control. That is a red flag. He could be an abusive partner as well.

@koal If your new partner is bothered by this, think very carefully about whether you might be on the same road again....

Absolutely this op.

If he getting angry at you for someone else's behaviour or throwing strops or creating drama or whatever- he's exactly the same thing as your ex. The packaging might be different, so you haven't twigged...but take heed now he's showing you.

If you find yourself having to tiptoe around your partner, you're on your way to another toxic relationship.

As for your ex, report him to the police. It is harassment.

Have you done the freedom programme? It's online. Defo worth doing after an abusive relationship.

1. Ignore the ex. He wants a response. The best reaction from you is nothing. He will eventually have to stop. If at any point it feels like harrassment / gets worrying / never seems to be stopping, tell the Police. (you might want to keep a reecord of his contacts in case you ever decide to do so).
2. I'm worried about your new bf's response. It sounds like he's making this about him / blaming you / using it to give you grief. Please be careful. If your ex's actions could wreck your new relationshop then it isn't the right relationship. The minute you feel you have to lie to your OH to keep the peace, warning sirens should sound.

OP please take a look at your new relationship. Why is he getting jealous at you experiencing harassment?

If my ex was harassing me I'd expect my current parnter to be concerned and supportive. To encourage me to speak with the police. To make sure my windows and doors were safe. To tell me to ring him if I was ever worried for my safety.

If instead, he's acting suspicious, jealous or angry or like I'm somehow the villain or dishonest or disloyal because another man won't accept the word 'no' - you're dating another mysoginistic, abusive pice of shit.