I need some advice and opinions

[Purpleframer]

I moved in with my boyfriend 3 years ago, we have been together for 5 yrs. I have children from a previous relationship
He earns a lot of money £150k pa... I dont. I am self employed with a small business and I work as a cleaner as well to make some extra money. I want to work part time so i can be there for my kids which has always been my priority.
Before we lived together I had a house and was doing OK, working and claiming tax credits.
When we moved in together I lost all my benefits so he said he would make it up by giving me a little extra money every month.
I also do everything in the house and buy all the food, pay for the car.
Now.. over the winter he banned hot baths saying they were too expensive. Me and the kids could only have short showers, so After many discussions and comments from him I have said, stop giving me the money every month
And am now trying to manage without. Literally all my money goes on food or petrol and me and the kids are living on not very much at all.
He pays all the household bills except the car and my phone etc which I pay for.
If we were not living together I would be entitled to about £250 per week in benefits.
I feel like we are not in the same boat at all. He goes skiing once a year by himself, and in many ways lives a completely different sort of life to us. Are our priorities so wildly different and is it unreasonable of me to feel resentful that he doesn't share more of what he has?
How do people manage being in a relationship with such different incomes.
I also find it really embarrassing and difficult to talk about with him so I can't say how stressed I am about finances. I don't think he owes us anything and maybe we should just move out .

This is proper financial abuse. You know it is really. I hope you are finding ways to talk to someone IRL and make plans to leave him.

He sounds very selfish. He doesn't get to dictate who has a bath just because he pays the bills unless he is struggling financially. Surely he should start giving you money again now it is not winter if it is what was originally agreed. Maybe moving out would be better for you if you don't feel able to talk to him about it. How is he in other ways? You should be able to talk to him about things and your lifestyles should be equal if this is a long term thing.

If he loves his family he should be sharing his money with his partner and children which he's not. He's not treating you like family. I would move out and look for greener pastures, you'll be better off financially, happier and will have the possibility of finding a nicer man. What is making you stay with this selfish man?

Indeed what is making you stay with this financially abusive man?. Your relationship with him is over because of this abuse he metes out to you and in turn your kids.

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?.

Why do people on these threads always earn £100k plus? 🙄🙄

Anyway if he is abusive you should leave.

What's happened to your house?

I feel like we are not in the same boat at all

You're not, and he's not willing to make room for you in his boat, so get back in your own. Resent him if you want, but it's a bunch of bad feeling for you, and it won't make him any kinder. You're not getting what you want out of the relationship, so move on. Don't waste your time resenting him.

How do people manage being in a relationship with such different incomes

By respecting each other. He isn't respecting you, so this relationship won't work.

I'd move him out. Then you'll be better off. He can then keep his money if it makes him happy.

Move out, stand on your own two feet, he will slowly tighten the financial screws on you over time.

Well he does sound tight but…. He works full time, you don’t. You have 3 children, he doesn’t
so there is and will be income disparity as you can’t expect to be well off working part tine

do you get cms for your children?

You are also living rent and bills free ( apart from car and phone) so you can’t have many outgoings

i don’t see it as abuse, but miserly yes

gave you both actually say down and discussed money ?

So you are willing to let your children live in a home where they are not allowed a hot bath?

You must know this is a shit situation for you and your kids. He doesn't see you as a partner at all. I doubt he will change his views.

If I really loved someone, and I was financially secure, and my OH was struggling, I would be supporting them.

not going off skiing by myself.

He sounds horrible and you deserve better. You get less benefits because you live together, he pays household bills (which he’d be paying for anyway living on his own) and then has the audacity to limit hot baths?! you’re actually financially worse off with him by my understanding. His lack of support and generosity after being together for so long is hugely concerning.

“Well he does sound tight but…. He works full time, you don’t. You have 3 children, he doesn’t
so there is and will be income disparity as you can’t expect to be well off working part tine

do you get cms for your children?

You are also living rent and bills free ( apart from car and phone) so you can’t have many outgoings

i don’t see it as abuse, but miserly yes

gave you both actually say down and discussed money”

This.