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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Property after marriage

74 replies

penguinsam · 29/06/2023 23:36

When I married my partner I owned a house outright and they owned two flats with mortgages. They initially moved in with me (bigger house) but felt unhappy as it had been a previous family home. I sold it and put all the proceeds (£660,000) into the purchase of a new house which we bought in joint names and see as jointly owned. There is a mortgage on the new house which we pay jointly and equally. I assumed that the flats would therefore be considered to be shared. However my partner see them as still soley theirs. They keep all the rental income. They say because they lived in my property for a while that made it theirs whereas I never lived in their flats. I feel very upset about this.Am I just being stupid?

OP posts:

Kingfishersperch · 30/06/2023 15:39

You need to pay for legal advice quickly as you have only been married 4 years. Do not wait. Speak to a solicitor next week and if remaining married will affect your assets further then issue divorce papers.

hidingmystatus · 30/06/2023 16:09

Assets DO NOT become joint on marriage in England. They only become joint if you make them so, and if you don't, they remain solely owned by whoever owned them premarriage. Likewise liabilities. This has been the case since sometime in the 1800s.
On divorce all Assets and liabilities are taken into account, regardless of legal ownership. That is not the same as them being joint during the marriage.

Probationnotontarget · 30/06/2023 16:27

Assets DO NOT become joint on marriage in England. They only become joint if you make them so

Did you read the OP?

XVII · 30/06/2023 17:08

They say that the money used to purchase our new house was joint because we lived together in the house which was sold and therefore it belonged to us equally.

sorry but this is TOTAL bollocks. They might have had some stake IF they had put money into it but certainly not half or even close. You didnt even think to question this? The old addage ‘a fool and their money are soon parted’ applies very much to you.
It beggars belief that people are still so naive and stupid.
so op get legal advise so you know exactly where you stand. Morally you partner is behaving appallingly

Original poster

penguinsam · 30/06/2023 17:50

Yes I may have been very foolish but my expectations were that we were putting everything into 1 pot. Seems my partner does not view marriage as a joint venture but more of a loose association.

OP posts:

ProfessorXtra · 30/06/2023 18:02

penguinsam · 30/06/2023 17:50

Yes I may have been very foolish but my expectations were that we were putting everything into 1 pot. Seems my partner does not view marriage as a joint venture but more of a loose association.

So you sank over 600k into joint house after you were married because you expected everything to go in one pot. Even though your incomes don’t.

You didn’t check that’s what they expected of marriage.

Did you discuss getting married at all, not talking the romantic stuff or the ‘what flowers’ talks, I mean the actual reasons why you were getting married. The benefits, risks etc

MeeThree · 30/06/2023 18:08

Well she obviously didn't @ProfessorXtra or she wouldn't be where she is. I'm sure she feels bad enough

Please go and see a lawyer first thing Monday morning - you need to find out what you can do now and then you need to speak to your partner about what to do next. It's not fair at all.

Aubree17 · 30/06/2023 18:36

So you put 660k into the new house. How much did they put in?

Aubree17 · 30/06/2023 18:41

Sorry see you answered that.
So you mortgaged 190. 95 each.

You put in 660 + 95 = 755
He put in 50 + 95 = 145

So you own 84% and him 16%
I would of had this documented at the time

How long did he live in the house and how much of the 660 equity did he contribute to? That might change the position slightly.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 30/06/2023 18:53

So do his tenants now have a claim on his rental properties just because they live there now? He's talking utter bollocks and is setting himself up nicely without considering you.
If he's gonna be an arse and you want to stay id at least be expecting him to pay the mortgage in lieu of your contribution the home.

He's taking you for a ride and you're letting him.

Original poster

penguinsam · 30/06/2023 18:54

Thanks - yes I can do the maths. I also realise that I was foolish. I want to convince my partner that their position is not morally justifiable. To do that I am seeking opinion from the community here as to that. I understand that if we were to divorce the financial settlement would not be rule based if decided in court but hopefully determined during mediation. Thanks for all your contributions.

OP posts:

SideWonder · 30/06/2023 19:40

They say because they lived in my property for a while that made it theirs whereas I never lived in their flats. I feel very upset about this.Am I just being stupid?

You are not being stupid unless you don't protect yourself. Your partner is not behaving like a partner, frankly. And they're lying to you - either deliberately or by ignorance of the law. Living in your house does NOT give them rights to it.

Please get proper expert legal advice. And have your contribution to the jointly owned property noted in percentge terms.

Otherwise your "partner" is taking you for a complete financial ride.

Qbish · 30/06/2023 19:44

Never mind "morally" or "legally" looking at the situation.

Emotionally, this is crap.

Have a long hard think, OP, about how committed your partner is to your partnership.

Livinghappy · 30/06/2023 19:56

Of course he can't cherry pick sharing. Everything is obviously joint OR you run separate finances completely. Means he should be paying for his lack of equity in your current house.

What do you want to happen in the event of your passing?

PrueRamsay · 30/06/2023 20:00

You want to convince your husband that his position isn’t morally acceptable?

Mate, he couldn’t give a shiny shit. He saw you coming. 💐

Qbish · 30/06/2023 20:00

As an aside, I am amused at how many posters assume that your partner is a he.

Original poster

penguinsam · 30/06/2023 20:26

I purposefully kept that back. I don't see how it matters. But yes it's interesting the assumptions. Guess it is Mum's net!

OP posts:

XVII · 30/06/2023 22:07

Ok
morally your partner’s position is untenable.

but its very probable they are amoral. Mediation with such a person is an exercise in futility.

and they fact you havnt actually called them out on their bollocks statements leads me to think you’d be incapable for putting up a fight in the s1st place. I’vecseen more backbone in a jelly fish

ProfessorXtra · 30/06/2023 22:21

MeeThree · 30/06/2023 18:08

Well she obviously didn't @ProfessorXtra or she wouldn't be where she is. I'm sure she feels bad enough

Please go and see a lawyer first thing Monday morning - you need to find out what you can do now and then you need to speak to your partner about what to do next. It's not fair at all.

We obviously it’s not clear or I wouldn’t have asked the Op.

Op the reason I am asking what you talked about is that I am wondering if you were purposely misled and then they changed after the marriage. Like did they lead you to believe it would be shared finances? That it was a complete joint venture, share everything etc and then just didn’t.

If so, this maybe more sinister and planned on their part. That concerns me a lot because it would appear you are being cornered

Snowy2022 · 30/06/2023 22:25

op. I am a lawyer. please go see a solicitor to discuss all these: will, securing your 26yo in the event of death and generally to understand your situation. you have many Qs which require professional answers. you can then decide to tell your spouse whatever you want, after getting legal advice.

I married whilst owning assets worth just over 2 mil with dh owning less than a 3rd of that- we married soon after meeting. I don't have kids. I don't plan to divorce as I like him enough even when he is at his worse (according to me.) I would not have married if I thought I would even 5% want a divorce.

however, in the midst of first months of love, hope etc when we married, it was my twice married friend I owe my sanity to, as she insisted I got a prenup (I fully understand the legal implication in England so don't need lessons). she had knowledge of my financial independence secured through real sacrifice and hard hard work. I hid my embarrassment and asked for one. glad I did.

no fault of his own, but a relative ran his company down soon after marrying that at some point I wondered if he married me for my financial position. it was dreadful especially as I had lost my equally financial secure dp in a sudden death. however, as I didn't marry him for his financial standing which he was working on improving, it was the knowing I could walk away intact- short marriage, no kids and tight prenup that kept me going whilst getting my head around his sudden bad situation as soon as I was on board. read: while putting some spine in him to get rid of the person running his company down and affecting his new bride.

so, it pays to get legal advice even if you do not intend to separate. I simply refused to contribute to any outgoings- designed to let dh not feel he was being bailed out and therefore deal with his relative. it worked and dh is now back in charge of his business and rebuilding it. I now reminding him he was lucky I didn't marry him for his money, as I would have cleared off while he was appeasing his relative; although I was also not prepared to live in his pressure cooker forever.

good luck op

Snowy2022 · 30/06/2023 22:27

dh owning less than a 4th of that, even.

billy1966 · 30/06/2023 22:31

Spectacularly naive doesn't even approach this.

They are taking you for beyond dim in all of this.

Get legal advice.

"They" are a scammer and you really need to wake up to that.

Get legal advice NOW.

Mari9999 · 30/06/2023 22:37

@penguinsam

Where is the immorality in his thinking? He seems to adhere to the thought process that says that there are 3 layers of ownership : that which he owns out right and to which you never contributed, that which you owned outright and to which he never contributed, that which you purchased together and for which you are both paying. The fact that you contributed more to the total purchase price, is a factor that you should have ring fenced at the time of purchase . However, you would still be joint owners of the home.

You have made a purchase that you regret. Buyer's remorse is not immorality; it is usually just poor decision making.

Whatonearth07957 · 02/07/2023 17:51

You mixed your money into the marital pot and he didn't to the same extent. With a short marriage he may be entitled to some of your equity but his own property, whilst unlikely to be shared with you, should be taken into account. You can still get a post nup and tenants in common to put you on an even keel and ring fence your monies in a will for your daughter. You can also negotiate a proper joint account for bills going forward.

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