Not sure how to sensitively handle this?

[JellybabyToes]

So I want to preface this by saying I worked for a learning disability charity for many years and it really opened my eyes to the way people with a LD are marginalised by society.

I’m on the committee and volunteer for a community church maintenance group which is really inclusive and open to all. Earlier this year, a young man with LD joined the group. He’s really lovely and friendly and has taken a particular shine to me. He messages me in the group and privately several times a day, all day. Mostly just friendly chit chat but occasionally thanking me profusely for ‘helping’ him and being a good friend, although I haven’t particularly
done anything except be friendly and kind.

He’s never overstepped boundaries or been inappropriate but has asked me to go to dinner or out for coffee with him a few times. I usually just say I’m too busy. He also tries to arrange trips and social events with the wider group but nobody seems interested (to be fair, most of the action days are poorly attended as well to the point it’s often just me and him there).

I’ve only known him a couple of months and I would never have this much contact with anyone except maybe in a new relationship when you can’t get enough of each other, but even then, not every day. I’m finding it all a bit too much and wary about where this might be heading.

I’m having a difficult time with some other things and have just started therapy so I have even less emotional capacity to maintain this level of contact. I have tried to ignore his messages for several hours at a time but the second I hit send, he’s read it and is already replying. Sometimes he’ll message several times before I get round to reading them.

I have major people pleasing issues and am very empathetic so I find the idea of upsetting him really difficult. He’s also talked about his recent MH problems and I get the sense he doesn’t cope with stressful situations very well. I’m not sure how to enforce my boundaries kindly.

How would you handle this situation please?

I'm afraid you've got to put yourself and your own mental health first. Don't beat about the Bush but don't be blunt, either. Just be assertive and persistent. The more this goes on, the more muddy the waters will be.

Despite the fact you’re facing difficult times you are still not putting yourself first, and are worrying about being kind, when he is massively overstepping boundaries because he is messaging so much.
I did have someone with LD visit me at my place of work increasingly frequently (public facing) and hang around me. All I’d ever done was have ‘hello, how are you’ type conversations but it got to the point I was stressed, anxious about him arriving, freaked out whenever he’d sidle up to me. I’d tried ‘kind’ by saying I’m busy, he shouldn’t come every day, I can’t chat etc then just going in the back area, colleagues even tried to shield me, he just would not allow distancing.
It took a very forceful security man to escort him out one day and tell him not to return. I still feel awful about it, as I know he may not have fully understood the effect he was having, but I did end up quite scared and very anxious. I still avoid that location on my days off because I worry about bumping into him.

You are going to have to be direct and say you can’t message anymore and just keep contact to when other group members are there.

You say ‘young’ man-how old is he? Are his parents local?

Hi ….. firstly thank goodness for kind people like yourself …. Secondly I think support young person to join clubs of thier interest. Explain that you are having a tough time and doctors have recommended you find time to come of mobile devices and relax ….