Husband leaving. I am struggling hugely

[porkarooney]

So, I have been with my husband for 15 years. We have 3 children (my eldest from a previous relationship). We are a few weeks away from moving house to a different town 30 minutes from our home town as it is nearer our children's schools (they are autistic so go to specialist schools).
My husband has decided 2 weeks ago to tell me he doesn't want to stay with me. This was after an argument. We have had a few arguments through our relationship and even split a couple of times after them. Mainly due to his mental health problems which I have tried to help him through since the start of our relationship. He was emotionally abused as a child by his parents and by someone from outside the family. But I think my need to look after him and feel sorry for him has clouded my judgement. He has done some dubious things throughout our relationship which I've always tried to work through with him to save the relationship. He has always got extremely aggressive and loud during our arguments which frightens the children. I once found an old sex tape on a video camera of him and his ex wife which he had carried with him through our marriage and a few house moves. During our last split he was straight on Tinder the next day talking to other women.
At the end of last year I caught him liking sexy pics of women on Insta.
Surface level he is a brilliant husband and father...helps out around the house, is great with the kids etc. And I love him despite his problems.
I am struggling hugely with this decision. He has moved out to his rental house and is staying there. I am left to pack the house whilst in the worst emotional pain I have ever felt (I know that sounds dramatic but I truly feel actually ill with it)
I am worried that I am codependent and that this is why I am struggling so much. My eldest daughter has previously told me he is emotionally and verbally abusive during arguments towards me. How have I not seen this? How have I been this stupid and why am I still struggling even though he has not been kind or respectful? I am so confused and lost.

On a surface level he seems great? 😐

I’d wager there’s someone else OP

He's absolutely adamant that there is no one else. I am inclined to believe him as I don't know when he would've had the time. I haven't noticed any unusual behaviour in that sense. But I could be completely wrong.

Sorry op - he will do. Either way - it’s a good things he is out. Sounds like a very shitty environment for your children

Congratulations - sounds like you have just entered an exciting new chapter in your life minus a horrible partner. I wish you and your kids all the best for a happier future.

So sorry OP, but you've given him enough chances. Listen to your eldest daughter, he is not a good man and you will honestly have a happier and calmer future without him.You may well be co dependent so do seek some counselling for yourself to help you to stay strong.

^^This.

He has done you a HUGE favour. Get lawyered up and make sure he takes the kids 50/50 and then have delightful time to yourself instead of dealing with this dickhead.

Thank you. I have started counselling this week to try and get my head straight.

It sounds as if the relationship has run its course> I know from a close friend that this is very difficult to acknowledge. I think you need to move on. It will get better

Let’s hope he sticks to his threat because otherwise you’d stay with this god awful man.