I’ve just got back from a few days away at a yoga retreat. Absolute bliss and long saved up for. It’s the first time I’ve been away on my own apart from short work trips since before I got married, although I travelled and worked all over the world alone when I was younger. My self-confidence has taken a knock recently and I can feel it bouncing back.
DH was sulky about my work trips early in our marriage. He also got moody after I told him I was going on the yoga retreat, in a passive aggressive way (while insisting he was fine with it). I didn’t pay much attention because I had real problems to deal with - work has been very stressful, my dad has been seriously ill in hospital for weeks, I’ve been coming and going, exhausted, and had no bandwidth for dealing with nonsense. I was disappointed that he hasn’t been at all supportive about my dad, but I left it.
Anyway, DH picked me up today and all seemed fine. Until we got home and I found a complete bomb site, I was so disappointed that I couldn’t completely bite my tongue. He’s normally a bit of a clean freak so it was a shock. I didn’t go mad but asked him why there was mouldy bread and food lying around from 5 days ago, and why he hasn’t given the cat her medicine. Both cats seemed really upset and scared as well which is unusual. He said “they probably don’t recognise you” which seemed a bit nasty.
Later I noticed a prosecco bottle in the fridge with a bit left in the bottom, and two wine glasses in the dishwasher. I asked if he’d had someone round (fine, just unusual) and he said no, he drank it on his own. He hardly drinks and definitely not prosecco! He’ll have a little if I buy it (rarely) but we had none in the house when I left and I never buy that brand. I didn’t tell him I’d spotted the glasses. But it’s obvious he’s lying.
He got angry then and said I was “attacking” him, I’d “come back in a horrible mood” (no, I was really happy and relaxed until I saw the mess!) and I’ve clearly “got it in for him”.
I said neglecting the cat and drinking a bottle of prosecco alone was out of character and I felt like he wasn’t being completely honest with me, and he started going mad saying “what about you? You’re not being honest are you?!” I asked what that meant and he snapped at me “we’ll talk about that later” and stomped off out of the house.
Now I’m left here racking my brains as to what I could’ve done (or what he could think I’ve done). I’m coming up with nothing. I think he’s upset that I went away without him and is trying to make me feel bad - possibly to deflect from something he’s done? Maybe he just made a weird, cryptic comment to mess with my head. I don’t know.
It did mess with my head though, so I’m asking for the wisdom of MN. What do you think is going on, and how should I respond? Should I ignore, should I be worried about the lie, or could I really be in the wrong here?