My widowed mom has a spending issue and is now expecting me to subsidise her lifestyle.
She was widowed some 8 years ago and was left approx £75k from my Father's life insurance.
He left no private pension as was self employed and both of them always lived for today and loved spending. When he was alive she had a high disposable amount to do what she wanted. She does have state pension and a small private pension.
After some bills and tax bill from Dads company she was left with about £50k. Within 2 years she had spent the lot so she downsized and received another £50k from the equity.
After 6 years this has now gone.
Me and my sibling have had a very small amount of this like £3k each (this has never bothered us).
Issue now is my mother is very materialistic and likes a good spend.
For years (even when she had all this money) I struggled financially however in the past few years due to promotion at work, kids now self sufficient me and husband are feeling much better off financially. Me and husband have worked hard to get where we are. We are very careful with money and dont spend frivoulously. We aren't rich and still have a mortgage but can enjoy a better life now (meals out, clothes and holidays, weekends away).
Issue is now she seems to resent this and has turned quite nasty over money saying me and sibling should do more to help her. Saying we should pay for her holidays and food. This is what her friends childten do, we are neglectful etc.
I can see without back up savings it is tight for her however she still goes out several times a week. She should and could manage if she was careful.
My feelings are I dont deserve this pressure and whilst I don't mind helping her a little I would have to compromise things we do like going out etc to supplement her lifestyle whilst she does nothing to cut back. Also she is mortgage free, we aren't so we now feel spare money should go towards clearing that.
I also feel, after years of struggling why should I who is careful with money subsidise someone (I know she's my mom) who is never mindful of what she spends or has spent.
I have told her all this but she doesn't take it well and it's causing issues, every few months she picks a fight and I get the whole awful daughter comments.
I have helped with food but then see shes been eating out 3 times so feel annoyed she isnt being careful.
Any advice as to how to handle this. I can't continue with this pressure and frankly causing unhappiness and want to distance myself but still love her at the same time and care for her.
I am not remotely money orientated but feel she has and is being rather unfair.