Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need to forget about him...

7 replies

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 29/06/2023 11:19

Just need a rant I think, on holiday at the moment so lots of time to think

I crossed the line with a friend who had finished a 17 year relationship two months earlier (not married, one son, one step daughter, I don't know the ex). At first it felt like it might go somewhere and it was honestly the best sex of my life! But after a while he admitted he wanted his family back and things kind of went back and forth for a while... we kept trying to end it and not speak yet would go a couple of days and he'd 'check in' to see if I was ok

Long story short we were tagged in a Facebook post by the same person on the same day at an event - we weren't there together but I did say hi... but obviously his ex wanted to ask me if I was there with him and the kids. After a few messages it turns out he's been sleeping with us both at the same time (once within 24 hours!) and possibly someone else too! I feel totally blindsided and used. He then had the audacity to deny he'd even seen me on this day we'd last slept together and that I was clearly making up stories (I mean why would I?) Luckily I had screenshots to prove it!

Obviously I can't stand him now and blocked him on everything but I think I was blinded by lust and can't stop thinking about him! I have several seemingly nice genuine guys wanting to see me and make a go of it - including an ex who I've been waiting for for almost 20 years - yet I just... can't. I want to but I can't

Like I said just wanting to rant but would help to hear from anyone else in this situation (or any advice). I've booked a de-stress massage and facial tomorrow at least!)

OP posts:
StealthedDefender · 29/06/2023 19:21

What is really stopping you from moving on?

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/06/2023 08:04

@StealthedDefender I genuinely don't know, other than I can't stop wondering what might have been. Which is stupid as it never would have worked between us regardless! Maybe I was just blinded by the sex...

OP posts:
TheAverageJoanne · 30/06/2023 08:32

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/06/2023 08:04

@StealthedDefender I genuinely don't know, other than I can't stop wondering what might have been. Which is stupid as it never would have worked between us regardless! Maybe I was just blinded by the sex...

I'll tell you what might have been. A relationship with a guy you couldn't trust.

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/06/2023 09:00

I suppose it also feels strange that I've lost a friend who I'd known for years... and now... nothing. I know he doesn't deserve even my friendship but it feels weird not having him in my life in any capacity

OP posts:
StealthedDefender · 30/06/2023 11:40

Is it losing the friendship that's harder or the sex? I would find losing the friendship harder. Hopefully before you finish your holiday you can put this behind you. Have you gone away?

5128gap · 30/06/2023 11:54

A long standing friend has betrayed you, deceived you and lied about you to protect his own interests. A potential future relationship you had started to imagine and mentally invest in has closed down. Of course you're going to feel sore and bruised for a while.
You need to give yourself time to process what's happened and to (Sorry for the cheesiness!) 'heal'. Like you would from any emotional body blow.
If I were you I'd set myself a daily time limit for thinking about this in private. Feel your feelings. Have a cry, punch the pillow, let it out. Then when times up, pop it back in its mental box and focus on enjoying your day. In time you'll need your little thinking sessions less and less and eventually you'll be free to move on.
You obviously have lots of options ahead of you. Just give yourself time.

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/06/2023 14:12

@StealthedDefender yes I'm abroad right now, lovely weather but had just planned to chill and he's invading my chilled headspace 🤣 I guess it is the friendship as there are things I want to tell him about and realise I can't... I'd never been an overly sexual person until this happened either! It's always the ones with the red flags 🚩

@5128gap thank you, weirdly I haven't cried at all, just felt so angry and betrayed. But I'm one of those people who cares a lot about what others think and I know he's currently back home making out I'm a crazy person who made things up because he's been caught out - small town and lots of mutual friends!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page