Gifting money to friend

[skippinghoop]

My oldest friend (of 25 years) is having a completely shit time at the moment. Completely broke after relationship breakdown and having a tough time dealing with family courts etc.

I've known her a very long time and though we live a fair distance away and only see each other a couple times a year, we stay in touch and are always quietly 'there' for each other.

I have recently had a windfall if £1000 and would love to give her half of it. I'm in a very fortunate position of not needing the money and I know it would make such a massive difference to her right now.

I genuinely don't need it back and would be given freely for her to spend on whatever she needs/likes. Would love to be able to take away some of the financial worry at least over the next few emotional months with the courts. At the moment she is barely making enough to cover rent and a gift like that might give her the opportunity for her to have little treats or days out with kids etc or pay for repairs or other stuff she needs.

But I'm also aware there are loads of emotional issues around gifting money between friends and would hate it to affect our relationship.

Would really love the opportunity to talk about it/think it through before giving.

Does anybody have experience of gifting friends money? Is it possible to do without buggering up the friendship dynamic?

There is a lot of trust between us, and I am pretty sure a gift would be received in the spirit its intended. But actually, how to do it is flummoxing me a bit.

Or is it all a potential minefield I should leave well alone and support her as I can without giving money?

I have done it - invited a friend and her son on a holiday to Turkey, in the middle of her messy divorce, all inklusive and it was lovely.

I gave a friend £1000 when she was trying to expand her business and needed a deposit on an office unit. Single mum three kids no help from dad. She has said once or twice she intends to pay it back but I'm certainly not counting on it.
I think you just have to find the right words when giving it to her.

I paid for a friend to come on holiday with me, my DD and her friend. I said she didn't have to pay me back but she did. We had a fantastic time. Recently I received a fairly large sum of money from a friend who was terminally ill. She knew I was a bit skint and wanted me to have money to help. I accepted it with love and gratitude.

Op I think that's a lovely idea. And I'm sure she will appreciate it.

All of you sound so lovely. So wish I had friends like that.

Really nice stories here.
Personally I would be a bit wary of upsetting the dynamics.

I'd be torn on this one but as pp says, it might change the dynamic between you. I'm also of the view that 'no good deed goes unpunished'

Wonder if there's another way to treat your friend without it being cash? Eg tickets, travel and accommodation to go together for a city break or concert on you?

I think she will truely appreciate it and as long as you gift it with no expectations of re-paying , strings what she can spend it on or huge declarations of gratitude then it should be fine.
It should be gifted as I’m your friend and I’d like to make life just a little easier please take this and do anything you please with it :)
On here I see a lot of oh I did this for my friend and expected a note , bottle of wine blah blah - so don’t let it ruin a friendship if you are giving this and require something back. If not you’re good to go be a lovely friend ! X

I gave my best friend money when she was in a fix and needed it.
She said she would pay me back, i said i didnt want it back or it mentioned again, if she wanted to give it me back, then just get it together and do it, but i didnt want each meet up being about the money or her putting pressure on herself to give it me back, so then distancing herself if she couldn't.
I made it clear i didn't need it or expect it back and didn't want it to change our friendship.
It didnt change our friendship at all, i would do absolutely anything for her, and her me. We appreciate we are very lucky.