Meditations or podcasts whilst living together separately??

rolvus · 2023-06-29T07:09:37+00:00

Massively struggling to cope with my living situation. DH is a complete arsehole and I have to live with him for the foreseeable due to housing and finances. I need to quickly learn how to manage my emotions as I'm quite literally dying inside. It's making me ill, and I'm worried about the affect on the kids now seeing me so broken. Has anyone gone through this? I could do with something on my headphones for most of the time I have to be in the house. My own thoughts are driving me crazy. Any ideas what could help me? At the point of feeling quite suicidal to be honest so I need to try something.

Justchooseone · 29/06/2023 08:15

Christ, sounds awful. In all honesty I don’t know that listening to podcasts constantly is any healthier for you or better for the kids - it’s massively disassociative.

But anyway what are you into? I mean there’s the obvious ones - Joe Rogan, Russell Brand. Plenty of different meditations on Spotify. I’d definitely listen to a body scanning one - I have a chakra one that’s particularly good - or try some yoga nidra. You really really need to get your head and body out of a flight or fight state. Find one with some deep breathing exercises.

What’s your husband doing? Can he not be persuaded, by you or someone else, to at least be civil? Or is he abusive - in which case call womens aid or similar and they can help you to get out.

Justchooseone · 29/06/2023 08:17

Also if suicidal go to your doctor, they can help and signpost you to other agencies that can assist, as well as perhaps treating you with medication.

Original poster

rolvus · 29/06/2023 08:21

He's emotionally extremely abusive, in his actions, gaslighting, stonewalling. I've been trying to leave for years but housing is a problem where I live. I have a solicitors appointment this week to see if I can force the sale of the house and to find out about custody arrangements. Something this week has just tipped me over the edge and I don't want to be here. You're right, I am constantly in fight or flight mode with no rest at all. I feel physically very ill by this point. Work is my only respite. Any time I'm in the house I can't cope. I can afford a couple of weekends in a b&b before the kids break up, so clinging onto that.

I will check out the recommendations you have, thank you. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

OP posts:

Original poster

rolvus · 29/06/2023 08:28

Justchooseone · 29/06/2023 08:17

Also if suicidal go to your doctor, they can help and signpost you to other agencies that can assist, as well as perhaps treating you with medication.

I'm not at the point of doing anything as I have children who need me and I know this isn't forever. I know I will be away from this toxic situation eventually. I just feel extremely broken. I won't do anything. But thank you for posting.

OP posts:

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 29/06/2023 11:28

Stbxh and I are still living under one roof, though hopefully only another year of this. It's horrible he's a gaslighting manipulative arsehole. Honestly the thing that's helped me cope the most is antidepressants. I have zero self esteem left, I've started seeing a psychologist and she said I need to treat myself like my needs and my self care are important, it makes sense that's a step towards fixing my self esteem. Maybe there's some way you could prioritise something that's import to you and get some self care or time away from him. The therapist also suggested meditation or listing to audio books.

I had some plans for kids holidays (not in UK), but they're all out the window now, instead of 2 weeks doing quite activities with DC I'll have two weeks of Stbxh being a dick and trying to get the kids to do things constantly when what they actually need is balance of time to rest and some activities. Outside going places he will be on his computer gaming because he works and therefore deserves a break. He's still at home but he's already a Disney Dad. If I try to get him to contribute to things like feeding the kids or doing chores he'll make sure I regret it. I try to remind myself it isn't forever, sometimes it helps with resentment and sometimes I just want to kick him and tell him what a horrible husband and father he is. Which of course I won't do because it would just make him up to nasty behaviour and because the kids don't need to be dealing with anything more. I feel broken too, I don't think that can heal for me until Im in my own place, I need to be away from him for any real healing to take place, but that might just be me.

Justchooseone · 29/06/2023 11:31

I would definitely check out women’s aid type organisations, they may be able to help with accommodation. And a solicitors appointment is a great step forward.

Remember that it’s awful for the kids to see this and much better (I think) to get out and drop your standard of living rather than you all being in this toxic environment and them thinking this is normal life and a normal relationship.

You will get through this I promise. All the best.

Original poster

rolvus · 29/06/2023 11:53

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 29/06/2023 11:28

Stbxh and I are still living under one roof, though hopefully only another year of this. It's horrible he's a gaslighting manipulative arsehole. Honestly the thing that's helped me cope the most is antidepressants. I have zero self esteem left, I've started seeing a psychologist and she said I need to treat myself like my needs and my self care are important, it makes sense that's a step towards fixing my self esteem. Maybe there's some way you could prioritise something that's import to you and get some self care or time away from him. The therapist also suggested meditation or listing to audio books.

I had some plans for kids holidays (not in UK), but they're all out the window now, instead of 2 weeks doing quite activities with DC I'll have two weeks of Stbxh being a dick and trying to get the kids to do things constantly when what they actually need is balance of time to rest and some activities. Outside going places he will be on his computer gaming because he works and therefore deserves a break. He's still at home but he's already a Disney Dad. If I try to get him to contribute to things like feeding the kids or doing chores he'll make sure I regret it. I try to remind myself it isn't forever, sometimes it helps with resentment and sometimes I just want to kick him and tell him what a horrible husband and father he is. Which of course I won't do because it would just make him up to nasty behaviour and because the kids don't need to be dealing with anything more. I feel broken too, I don't think that can heal for me until Im in my own place, I need to be away from him for any real healing to take place, but that might just be me.

I feel exactly the same. I know I can't heal until I'm in my own place. And at that point there will be many years of healing ahead. I'll never have another relationship again after this experience. So sorry to hear you are going through the same. I really don't know how to get through it. I've just booked a weekend away to give me something to count the days down to.

OP posts:

Original poster

rolvus · 29/06/2023 11:56

Justchooseone · 29/06/2023 11:31

I would definitely check out women’s aid type organisations, they may be able to help with accommodation. And a solicitors appointment is a great step forward.

Remember that it’s awful for the kids to see this and much better (I think) to get out and drop your standard of living rather than you all being in this toxic environment and them thinking this is normal life and a normal relationship.

You will get through this I promise. All the best.

I know you're right. It's just that the drop in standard of living will be so significant. After costs there wouldn't be a penny left and I'd be in a cycle of debt I think. I worry about the kids. They had it all and could have had a wonderful privileged childhood if it wasn't for DH's toxic traits.

OP posts: