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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Meeting Boyfriends Relatives At The Weekend & Nervous

2 replies

blackcurrantsausage · 28/06/2023 22:48

So, I have met my boyfriends parents and two of three siblings and these interactions were slightly nerve wrecking but overall fine!

However, this weekend his cousin is having a going away drinks party at her house and then on to town for a night out and I’m invited. Her parents will be there, other cousins, and some of her friends. My boyfriend is close to his cousin and would like if I was there.

Unfortunately, I don’t particularly like this cousin and my boyfriend is aware. My childhood best friend and his cousin were once best friends, their boyfriends lived together and became close as a result. Until his cousin decided to start changing in my best friends boyfriends bedroom, sending him bikini pictures (trying to justify sending these to him as they were going on holidays together and he would see her in a bikini anyways), and eventually they started texting in secret and ended up having an emotional affair.

For as long as I’ve known my childhood best friend, I had never seen her cry until the day she found out. Both her and her boyfriend temporarily broke up and she distanced herself from my boyfriends cousin. Somehow they temporarily rekindled their relationships and went on the holiday together (the cousins boyfriend never knew) but it ended up being too much for my best friend and she ended up having a complete breakdown. Coincidentally I was in the same place at the time and bumped into them and could even feel how awkward it was between the two girls.

They never told my boyfriends cousins boyfriend (very wordy) but he figured something was up and ended up breaking up with her indefinitely. My best friend and her boyfriend are still together but they’ve never really fully recovered and she has a lot of trust issues.

My best friend is aware she is cousins with my boyfriend and encouraged me to have a relationship with her if not be civil. She said she has moved on from it, but it’s more than clear she hasn’t and she still holds a lot of resentment against my boyfriends cousin. Seeing my childhood best friend breakdown that day still haunts me because I could feel her heart break.

My boyfriend would like me to come this weekend and it would be a chance for us to also have a night out together but I feel quite nervous that I won’t enjoy it and may end up getting too drunk to try feel less nervous. She is having drinks at her house first and I know if I didn’t go to this I would probably be asleep before they made it into town!

I’m honestly so anxious about this weekend!!!

Has anyone any words of wisdom? I know he can’t help who his family is and he is particularly close to this cousin but I know myself I will never take to her after everything that happened. I told him about what happened and he said he was quite surprised by it all & didn’t expect it from her but we left it at that.

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 28/06/2023 23:30

I'm not quite sure I followed but it seems like your relationship isn't a secret from her and life does move on, even if you're not convinced she has. If you see a future with this man then you should deal with it. I'd go and see how things go. You don't have to be best buddies.

blackcurrantsausage · 28/06/2023 23:37

TheSilentSister · 28/06/2023 23:30

I'm not quite sure I followed but it seems like your relationship isn't a secret from her and life does move on, even if you're not convinced she has. If you see a future with this man then you should deal with it. I'd go and see how things go. You don't have to be best buddies.

No it’s not a secret! I will be going but I’m just nervous.

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