panic attacks / separation anxiety at NRP

[NurseDread]

Hi I am hoping for some advice / guidance / others experience on what to do re: dd panic attacks / separation anxiety when going to dads house.

she is 7 and has long said she doesn’t want to go - years. No abuse reported or Indicated. His behaviour seems to be emotional / gaslighting. Keeps saying she wants to stay with me.

She is so stressed out ahead of every visit and upon return. Currently school term time is eow (fri - sun) but holidays is 60:40.

i have read everything online, spoke to childline, done seasons for growth at school, tried all the obvious tips and if anything the anxiety is getting worse.

Short of presenting at Gp - I’m at a loss what to do to help.

My dd isn't quite as bad as this atm but since she was tiny she always wanted me. So when we split up she struggled going to his, still does sometimes. She also often struggles going into school. 2 things have helped. With school they did a thing called social stories. Have a Google of it, for whatever reason an illustrated story was much better than any conversation or reassurance. The second is with her dad. He never picks her up, I drop her and I go into his house with her and have a cup of tea before leaving. Ideally never do pick ups or drop offs, better of dad picks her up from school directly. But obviously during summer hols etc that's not possible.

I missed where you mentioned his behaviour. Is this something she talks about? I'd be confronting those issues over email or text (keep a log in case you need it later).

You’re spot on - Since starting school he does direct pick up and drop offs at playground and I do the drop or picks ups for eow and it’s bearable. Issue comes when she goes from mine and it’s for the extra nights in a row.

She talks about it a lot. Various things but telling her she’s a big girl and big girls don’t cry and she’s silly for being upset for missing me / home are the most common / repeated things.

I have raised it with him in the past - most recently the Easter holidays this year and she report back that he shouts even worse because she is “telling on him”. So now, doesn’t want me saying anything to him.