Hey everyone,
Sorry if this is long.
When I was in my early twenties, I left an abusive marriage. No kids. I was a mess mentally. I had no other experience of relationships as my ex husband was my childhood sweetheart (or not so sweetheart). I met a man only a couple years older than me and we became friends. We had both been hurt by partners and we decided relationships weren't for us. We made a pact never to fall in love again as it's too painful (yes, you can see where this is going but please read as this is my real life).
Fast forward time and I fall in love with him but never tell him and he's giving me vibes and saying and doing things that would have me believe he feels similar. Eventually some form of feeling comes out from him but he doesn't say he loves me. I panic, I run and I start to cancel our catch ups etc (we used to talk all day every day) and then one night, I'm drunk and lost and he comes out of his way to get me but I panic last minute and bolt. I stand him up. He tells me he wants nothing more to do with me. Fast forward a couple months and he comes back but our friendship is not the same. There's no trust on his part now. He eventually meets someone else and they plan to move to Australia together. I don't try and stop him because I assume he's happy. He goes to Australia and within less than a year he contacts me and offers his help with a business venture of mine. I agree but before it comes to fruition, I'm blocked on everything. That's that. Fast forward 4 years and I get a friend request from him on fb. He tells me he's been broken up from the girl he went there with for 6 months but that he's staying there. Says she blocked women on his account and he tried to respect her by not talking to me. He says she was never the one and that they broke up as she wanted to marry him and he didn't want it. We start talking like the old days and arrange for me to visit him in Australia. I have now changed and realised what I was missing. I wake up one morning to a text about still not trusting me and being scared. I'm blocked again. I like an idiot go to Australia anyway but he doesn't meet me in the given place and time. I go home vowing to never speak to him again. Fast forward to this weekend and a message out of the blue. 7 years later! We are not roughly 17 years on from when we first met. He says he didn't get my message. He's sad I am hurt. He got with someone a year after we last spoke and now has a child. That he didn't want one but is happy now he's here. He asks if I'm married. I'm not. I ask if he is. He says no and that he's been broken up from his child's mum for a year. He said she wasn't the one either and that she cheated. There's still a vibe. He won't tell me exactly why he contacted me. I'm so confused. All he says is he's been thinking about his life. I asked to talk over the phone. He says he wants too but life is different now. So why message me?! Wtf do I think and wtf do I do? He's always been my one who got away.