Would you seek revenge?

[BlastedPimples]

If someone had abused you throughout a marriage and left you very poor after a divorce?

I mean take them down with you by sending recordings of their abuse to their present and future employers?

Divorce is in process.

I will get shafted. He's a sly one and wants to make sure I am left high and dry.

Aside from all that, I know the best revenge is living well but I will never live well. I cannot get past the sheer vindictive malice and violence over the years. It's been horrendous. I can't afford therapy.

I feel like I will never move past his snarling face..

Its more than natural to want someone to pay for their behaviour - but stay strong and classy and wait

Whilst I completely understand the temptation to blow his life up (as he has done to yours and DC) I agree with PPs - let the police and courts do it for you.

I had so many thoughts about exacting revenge and exposing my ex to the world but realised (in the end) that he didn't deserve the energy that I was mentally expending on him 🤣

In my area (SW UK) the local paper regularly reports on court cases and I think many other local papers do too.

Stay calm, try to enjoy your new found freedom with your children and wait for him to come to grief as a result of his actions.

You living your best life without him is the best revenge you could ever have, believe me it will send him the message that you are stronger and more confident than he ever realised.

💐 OP, and good luck with your wonderful future 💐

It sounds like you have had an absolutely dreadful time at the hands of someone else. Coming to terms with that takes a lot of time.

But I do not think revenge is the answer. You are putting that person front and centre of your world with this approach.

The answer, however long it takes, is to put yourself front and centre of your thoughts and gradually heal. I hear what you said about therapy - but you can access free therapy if you accept the time to wait, and there are books, and there is radical self-care. I think it is better to put energy into that.

Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die - I think there is some truth in this quote. It is not easy though.

Sounds like you should invest in a forensic accountant if he is slyly trying to financially shaft you.

She won't be able to afford one

I'd compile the evidence but hang on to it, maybe for future use.

My friends husband died suddenly in his early fifties, she adored him and so did his daughters. I've never seen a funeral so big.

A year later she was clearing out the garage to move. Came across a mobile phone, charged it up. He'd been cheating on her with an employee.

She printed out the long list of messages and photos and posted them to the woman's husband at work.

Never found out the outcome unfortunately. But my friend went from being a wreck and back to the lively funny woman she'd been before,

Thisbastardcomputer

you see that doesn’t sit with me

he’s dead
and she goes and fucks up someone’s life that she doesn’t even know

totally get her pain but that’s just nasty 🤢

BlastedPimples

totally respect that therapy isn’t affordable

but as pp said intense and deep self care is needed

the resources out there Are amazing and free

it’s soooo hard
But energy in Your healing ❤️‍🩹 is best

fuck him to hell xx

Given that neither your divorce or the prosecution for assault are complete, you would be foolish to take this action.

Wait it out. You might be pleasantly surprised if the judge sees through him and you receive a fair settlement. Why do you think you won’t?

If he is found guilty of assault, you could contact professional bodies. However, if your financial settlement includes child or spousal maintenance, you could end up worse off if he loses his job.

I would never cut off my nose to spite my face.

Are you having counselling? You do sound very traumatised. I hope this horrible period is over for you soon.

This

If he works in a regulated profession he is obliged to inform his regulator of any conviction without delay. The courts will inform the regulator in due course, and if he's tried to conceal that information it will go against him in any fitness to practise enquiry.

Thank you for all your wise kind words.

I

How is everything else going? @BlastedPimples

Nope

Maybe you're missing something but she didn't fuck up his life, his wife did that by having an affair.

I would say this woman did him a favour. So it made her feel better too, so what? And his life is proabably better also now he knows what his wife was doing.

Sometimes revenge helps people move on. Sometimes it doesn't and makes it worse.

OP in your situation, I think you should hold onto those recordings for now. See what the outcome of his prosecution is and then revisit all this at that time. And see how you feel then. It will also give you time to really consider what would be best for YOU.

If sending a recording to his new employer (once he has been convicted) helps you gain some sort of closure on the abuse you suffered at the hands of this bastard, then you do that. And then try and move on, if knowing you've at least inconvenienced the arsehole, even if just for a little while, makes you feel that little bit better, than who is say its the wrong thing to do.

Yes I would. I think too many people get away with abuse, infidelity and abandonment in relationships and if I were in charge I would make them a punishable offence.
as there is no justice for these things sometimes you have to take it on yourself

He sounds horrific, so sorry you went through this

Keep focusing on the fact you will never let him hurt you again. You got away, you can and will go on to live without violence and cruelty

Do you have a good solicitor? Best revenge is making sure you get what you and dc deserve and sitting back and watching the prosecution give him what he deserves

Like in Saudi Arabia or under the Taliban you mean?

You cannot make infidelity or abandonment punishable offences. That is completely unacceptable, it is a medieval position.

Abuse already is punishable by law, the fact it is not successfully prosecuted is a separate matter.

This. Why haven’t you taken it to the police???

I already said he's being prosecuted for his assault of me.

If this is the case, there's no need to go to his employment. If his job is at risk, how can he then provide for the children?

No, no need to go to his employers. I was having a moment of anger at the injustice of his behaviour and how it has affected me and the dcs horribly and for the long term.

I don't know how he can provide for his children if his job is at risk.

But then I'm not the one who committed assault so that's a problem for him. And ultimately for me.

That's the trouble with violent morons. The fallout is huge.