I dont even know what I expect to get out of sharing this tbh but need to get it off my chest.
I split up with my first boyfriend 13 years ago (we're 34 and 36 now). Didnt see him once since the split but I never got over him. I bumped into a friend of his at my new workplace 2 years ago - he obviously called my ex and the ex turned up a few hours later to say hi.
Since then we've sort've got back into half a relationship. We saw eachother 3/4 times a week, slept over, went out, he helped me furnish my house and i helped him with his business. Got along much better.
But he is just so held back emotionally- always was, he'd tell me he loves me but he's naturally very moody so it doesnt really translate. We wouldnt talk between seeing eachother much as he has a physical job. It started to really hurt me and i felt unfulfilled. I have cut it off maybe 8/9 times and he turns up, calls, texts. Except this time. He's just left me alone and it hurts.
I walk away because i want more and i dont think it would work but i adore him, truly loved him for half my life and not speaking to him is physically painful.
No contact when you love someone is so painful. But i feel like i cant just contact him myself because I feel unwanted and forgotten about and dont want to get ignored. I miss him