Hand hold needed :(

[Soconfusedandbroken]

Dh and I have been fighting alot recently. He’s said some truly awful things to me. Has history of narcissistic behaviour.
We’ve been fighting more I think due to me trying to stand up for myself. I’ve even told him that his behaviour makes me want to leave him.
the last few days have hit an all time low. I’ve been truly heart broken by some of the comments he’s made. Next minute he’s telling me he loves me so much and I’m his everything. Then 2 mins later he’s saying I’m shit!

tonight he has deflected it all back at me. He’s told me can’t forgive me for what I’ve done. I’ve absolutely no idea what I’ve done and he won’t tell me!!!!!!!! He’s saying he needs time to ‘think’ and that I need to leave him alone to do so!!

I’ve been distraught. I seriously don’t know what I’ve supposedly done!! I got really upset and was crying and stupidly showed him my emotions. I was a wreck. Felt so so held by him emotionally. I shouted that I hated him!

he’s now gone mad and said he won’t tolerate that and to leave him alone etc.
he’s in bed staring at the ceiling while I’m on the sofa with a blanket. Still don’t know what’s caused this and still feeling confused and bereft.

im so scared he’s going to leave me now. In fact I just feel scared. I feel like I’m going mad. I don’t know if I’m coming or going!! Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am mentally ill 😢

it doesn’t matter that in the last week he’s told me I’m mentally ill, a schizophrenic, that everyone around me thinks the same. He tells me I’m the cause of every row in our house, and he puts up with so much with me.

Bull shite.

The "everyone else thinks the same" is particularly natty, abusive, gas lighting shit.

My narc sister tries that too. She told me when I was younger and we had some falling out (she falls out with everyone every few months, works her way round the daily, I can't think how long she's ever been on speaking terms with everyone, 2 mind maybe) that;

"I've been given a free pass, to speak to you, to tackle you, from Mum, from (Sister a), from everyone".

I mentioned it to sister a later and she said it was absolute bollocks, she'd told her if we had an issue, that she should discuss it with me, that's all,".

They are so weak and pathetic and abuisive, they're always trying to make out they have backing, and get a gang behind them. And that you're the problem, not them and this proves it.
They don't have that gang, it's generally made up .... And if they were to, it would only because they lied a out you & misrepresented things.

Also - hrs not qualified to judge you as mentally ill or schizophrenic.

(He wouldn't be qualified to judge his partner even if we're a highly qualified, experienced professional).

But he's not, he's nobody. He's just an abuser talking out of his ass.

He sounds mentally ill himself.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through op ..... to me it sounds like he's trying to end your relationship by blaming you for everything and wanting to look like the victim.
If you truly have no idea as to why he's behaving like this towards you, then I would back off and give him space, instead of shouting at him and getting upset with him, you need to totally give him space and let him make the next move,.... if he does, make the next move to communicate with you, then you can open the conversation up. You just maybe both need to calm down and some time apart to think.

Why does he think you are the one who causes all the arguments?

If you honestly have no idea, is it he's found someone else and he's trying to act the victim, so he has a good excuse to finish it with you?!... only you know op

If you say "Okay, it's over" then it'll be suicide threats. Honestly, OP, he's following a script.

Yeah the made up or trumper up offences are generally when they're trying to end a relationship; but "can't" be honest.

Either that or trying to get absolute power back.

Yep

^^^ This.

Op, you are not listening to what posters are trying to convey. Don't hold onto this man so tightly, use this time to evaluate yourself if you really want to be with him. Otherwise he treats you badly and pulls out and you only push/cling further. So much unhealthy dynamic here . Pause. Re-evaluate if this relationship works for you. (It probably doesn't)

He's trying to make himself into the victim so he can blame you.

Get rid of him, he's horrible and manipulative

I’ve spoken to someone at Refuge this morning. It was only a quick chat. But something I’ve never done before. I feel wrecked

Well done op.

Take whatever help and support you can get.

He sounds abusive.

He is abusive and deeply, deeply manipulative. He’s cast you in a role whereby he can play the victim. He will tell everyone he is your ‘victim’.

The sooner this cunt ships out, the better.

Document what he’s said and when. You need to tell him, in a dangerously calm voice, that you’ve had enough of his abuse, his name calling and that the relationship is over. He is to leave. You need to retake the power.

He's gaslighting you. He's very abusive and he won't change.
Your self esteem, mental health and your spirit will be crushed even more if you don't leave this relationship right away.
So sorry you're going through this...

how is everything op?

I agree. He’s deliberately gaslighting you, OP, trying to make you doubt reality and think you’re going mad. That is an evil thing to do. The sooner you escape from him the better.