Ideal house but feel a lack of community!

[ManchesterMama1]

So I wonder if anyone could relate, give me a balanced perspective.

My husband and I moved to our second home 4.5 years ago. We only moved a mile up the road, the an extended 1930’s semi detached house, which gives us almost double the space.

I loved our first home, a 3 bed detached new-build, we were the first owners. It was pretty small, we did start to feel the pinch after we had our second child.

My husband pushed the move really, decent 4 beds are hard to find in our area so we got lucky and found our current home, we have spent a lot of time and effort renovating though.

To get to the point my issue is that I feel a really lack of community on our street. Our neighbours are mostly older and/ or keep themselves to themselves.

Its quiet and safe, no trouble and people are friendly but in our previous home, we lived in our cul de sac and were friends with most of our neighbours. I guess it was quite unique as we all moved in at a similar time.

We weren’t in each others pockets but we were friendly, had chats, the kids started to play out together sometimes as they became toddlers and went to each others parties etc.

As I’m not from this area originally, I feel like I’m not really grounded on this street/ home. Even though I love the house and practically it’s much better for us as a family.

One of my close friends has recently bought a new build close by (which was much more expensive than our home!) and the kids play out together most nights, the mums go on socials, they have bbqs at each others.

I feel quite envious of this, some of the school mums in my daughters class live on our old estate/ the same street and share drop offs etc and do a lot together.

I feel like I and my kids are missing out!

It does sound like a first world problem saying it out loud and I probably need to make more effort to meet more local friends, it just feels hard as im 40 and not from the area originally and feel a street community would provide an easy social network!

it doesn’t bother my husband at all, he’s not a fan of being in other peoples pockets! I do wonder if we’ve gone to much the other way since the pandemic.

Any nuggets of wisdom? I’ve even considered moving back to a new build estate which I know is madness because financially it would really stretch us, this house is plenty big enough (5 bed!) and I know who you get as neighbours is pot luck!

Just to add, there is a street on the road next to us but we kept our son in the school a mile away as he loved it (he was in reception when we moved in) I think if our children went to the school on this estate we’d feel more part of it, as it happens a big bulk of their school friends live on our old estate or I over that side which is becoming saturated with new builds now!

I would hate to be in my neighbours pockets too- your new road sounds ideal !

Arrange mum meet ups and play dates - but not all day every day !

• I don’t seem to be able to edit that post (first time I’ve posted on netmums 🤣)

Excuse a cpl of typos, I also meant to say there is a school on the street next to us!

Also just to say my children are 9 and 5 so I know my eldest will be choosing his own mates and going out independently in the next couple of years!

True Fidgety that’s how my husband sees it!

Maybe I’m just being idealist as our last cul de sac was so friendly.

I am envious of my friends new estate but sometimes do think it could be a bit OTT, have potential to go a bit sour. They’re over at each others houses most weekends!!

I recently visited my parents in their new seaside house. I thought it was lovely that they knew all the neighbours, had people stopping by for a chat and even a neighbour who comes every evening to take their dog for a walk (because it's not a walk without a dog apparently!). Then I remembered the suffocating feeling of living in small town New Zealand where everybody knew everyone's business. Familiarity is nice for a short while but it gets overbearing quite quickly in my opinion.

Ah thanks for commenting! I also grew up in a small town and our neighbours were practically like family although my mum and the lady next door were housewives so spent every day having brews at each others houses!

I just find it sad that modern life seems to have lost the community spirit. Some of the new build estates seem to recapture it but it just seems that everyone is so busy now.

I probably just need to change my perspective on it and find other ways to meet local like minded people 😊 Although I like the idea of that but have little free time or energy to with raising two young kids!

My friends and family are dotted all over so logically feels harder and I just crave a local network closer! X

We moved to a town we didn’t know anyone in 4 years ago, and our cul de sac was mostly 60+.
This is what I did:

• As we moved around Easter, I knocked on the closest houses to introduce ourselves and give them an Easter egg
• Started greeting everyone, small talk about them (eg if I see them out with their dog, I ask about it)
• Lockdown hits, and suddenly I’m helping them with food delivery orders and everyone is so lonely they invite us over… my children get showered with attention because they can’t see their own grandchildren, it was heart wrenching seeing it on their faces

After the lockdowns we remain close - I host coffee & mince pies every Christmas time, give out cake at birthdays if we’ve received cards, occasionally bake for someone or have an afternoon tea…

Now gradually neighbours are starting to go to care homes and we get new owners moving in, I always go and welcome them and bring a relevant treat, and make sure to add them to the next thing I’m hosting - I’m slowly turning into the pillar of the community 😆 (I organised the Coronation street party).

It's a tricky balance. When we moved into our house 12 years ago we went out of our way to be nice to our neighbours. A couple of them became really good friends - in and out of each others houses, dog sitting, bbqs, games nights, pub lunches etc. The others on the street are all lovely, happily take in parcels and pass the time of day with in the street. But then our good friends moved away ( expanding family) and now although the new neighbours are nice, they're not interested in hanging out like the old ones. And I really miss that friendship. Good neighbours are ace, but it's largely about luck. The people three doors down are insufferable noisy arseholes, and I doubt I'd feel as well disposed towards the rest of the street if I lived next to them.

Blimey - well done you! It takes a lot of effort and energy to do this - I have a friend who does much the same as you and I really admire her for it. Especially as a lot of her neighbours are crotchety auld twats.

Hahah… the only time I slightly regret it is when we need to provide tech support, being the youngest on the street 😆 DH connects printers, troubleshoots iPads and retrieves passwords often.

But you’re only a mile up the road from your old neighbours or from friends for play dates. It’s not far at all. Fair enough if you moved an hour away. Just go visit! Our only neighbours are a holiday let, otherwise closest other house is a a half mile away. The village and everyone else is about a mile away. We just walk or drive to see friends, or they come to ours. There is always turnover and you’ll have new people moving in in no time.