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Advice needed

5 replies

Cat7109 · 26/06/2023 18:02

Recently I have started seeing an ex from years ago he now has a child and I also have two children. His child is 4 and mine are a bit older at 8 and 13. It's been a bit of a whirlwind due to the history as we have no had the usual getting to know each other. At first he said he didn't want pressure to jump into anything as he didn't know how we would make our situation work. After a while he then suggested me meeting his child, him meeting mine and then them all meeting which all happened on his suggestion. This was about 8 weeks ago. Since then he has done a complete 180 and has only came round when my kids are in bed and has not suggested doing anything together. Unsure how to approach this with him as my youngest has asked when he will be round again and when they will play with his child again. Part of me is cautious about approaching it at all due to his initial no pressure comment but it really does feel like he's slammed the brakes on out of nowhere with no communication.

OP posts:
ThisIsaNiceDress · 26/06/2023 18:23

He owes you an explanation. Don’t hesitate to ask for it.

WunWun · 26/06/2023 18:28

I think it's definitely worth talking to him about. He definitely doesn't "owe you an explanation". Or owe you anything really.

Did d he actually say he wanted a committed relationship with you? That's why you agreed to introduce the children?

Fidgety31 · 26/06/2023 18:31

Sounds like he has come to his senses and realised that introducing kids etc too soon is not a good idea .
Maybe he wants to date you without feeling like instant family ?

Hiddenvoice · 26/06/2023 21:19

I think he’s worried about rushing it, he thought it was a good idea at first but has since changed his mind. His child may also felt uncomfortable about it so that might be why he’s slowing things.
I’d chat to him about it, ask about getting children together and if he says no then gently push for a reason why.

Nowvoyager99 · 26/06/2023 21:25

How long have you been seeing each other?

There are so many reasons it could be…

He didn’t like one/both of your DC
His DC didn’t like you/one/both of your DC
He has realised it was too quick to introduce the children and is taking a step back.
His DC mother has thrown a huge wobbly.

Do you actually date at all? It sounds like he just comes to yours when the kids are in bed (for a shag?) and then goes home?

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