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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have I ruined it?

15 replies

K18 · 26/06/2023 16:26

I decided to tell the man I’ve been seeing for a few months that I have feelings for him and I’m worried about being hurt (basically I feel like he is pulling away) less texting, enthusiasm etc etc
His response was he feels the same way about me and I don’t need to worry, so why am I still worried!?!
I think my behaviour has put him off and I feel a bit pathetic now

OP posts:
Ollifer · 26/06/2023 16:29

Nope doesn't sound like you've ruined it. I don't play games in relationships I'm very upfront as I've got older and am honest about my feelings, I used to try and play it cool and worry about how any keenness may be unattractive but now I think fuck it what's the point, may aswell lay the cards on the table and it gives them the opportunity to cool it off if they don't feel the same way.

MintyBinty · 26/06/2023 16:33

Sounds like he’s into you. Try not to stress or get anxious. I do this too when I’m seeing someone and I realize I’ve started to like them!

He wouldn’t have said what he did unless he meant it. Try to relax and enjoy it. It’s all going well from what you’ve described.

Original poster
K18 · 26/06/2023 17:17

Thank you for your replies ❤️
I really hope I haven’t made things awkward. I get very anxious, fear of abandonment and have quite low self esteem which is not very attractive.
I guess if it puts him off he’s not the one for me anyway

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 26/06/2023 17:53

If someone you are ina relationship with is put off by you having feelings for them, do you really think that is someone who you want to be in a relationship with? Surely the whole point is that you have feelings for each other!

loveacuddle1 · 26/06/2023 18:09

This is good advice… I wish I’d had it in my last situationship. I played it cool and wish I hadn’t!

hugefanofcheese · 26/06/2023 18:41

Good on you for being straight up with your emotions. You gave him the opportunity to say 'well actually, it's been really nice but whatever polite excuse'. He didn't, he's said he's keen. Take him at his word unless something happens to make you believe otherwise in which case you know you've made yourself clear, there has been no confusion but the situation is not making you happy. Hopefully this won't be the case and you can relax into things. Don't be forensic about how many texts etc, go by how things are in person, if he's making time for you.

Mammamia2023 · 26/06/2023 19:27

I think it sounds like you may be withdrawing slightly through fear and he is picking up on that so feels u have changed. Good on you for being so open and honest that’s such a positive in a relationship. Relax and enjoy now. I understand your fear of being hurt/abandoned but if you don’t push through then things will never progress with anyone. I think the fact that you have been open with him perhaps means you are more comfortable with him than previous partners? I’d take it as given and trust he has been honest it was the perfect time for him to make his excuses and leave.

Original poster
K18 · 26/06/2023 23:34

Thanks everyone for your responses.
so to be honest I’ve had some very abusive relationships and I am terrified of another one, I never really open up.
but here is the thing so he knows I’m anxious, apparently cares but I have heard nothing from him? This is my issue, surely a quick check in wouldn’t kill him and I’m just not sure these are the actions of someone who is genuinely concerned?

OP posts:
hugefanofcheese · 26/06/2023 23:36

How often are you in touch and seeing each other?

Original poster
K18 · 26/06/2023 23:58

We normally text everyday and see each other once or twice a week ( it’s a bit complicated we both have kids)

OP posts:
AubadeIsIt · 27/06/2023 00:03

How long has he not been in touch?

Original poster
K18 · 27/06/2023 00:07

It’s only been a day but it’s unusual

OP posts:
LemonDropsx · 27/06/2023 00:16

IMO, you've told him how you feel, if he pulls away or this ends then it wasn't the one for you. I don't think you can 'ruin things' by having an open and honest conversation about how you feel after that period of time.

I hate how we have been made to feel like we can't say how we feel for fear of pushing someone away. I don't play games in relationships so I would rather someone be open and honest. Good Luck OP

cassiatwenty · 27/06/2023 00:18

I don't think you can ruin a relationship by making a mistake. You're human. He's going to make mistakes as well.

Original poster
K18 · 27/06/2023 00:24

I just get so confused by his behaviour it’s draining! I’m struggling to decide if it’s worth all the anxiety or am I just being over sensitive because I’m already very stressed with so many other things.
I don’t think my reaction to it all is very measured but I hate putting myself out there. So to get rejected afterwards will be horrible

OP posts:
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