Why do i stress so much about friendships

[LovelyMumma12]

Hey,
I'm a grown woman and still to this day stress if I think I've upset someone unintentionally. Stress if someone doesn't reply to a message, go back and forth in my head and wonder if I've upset them, its exhausting and pathetic and I just don't want to feel like it anymore.
Any one out there similar to this and how do u get past it?
Thanks in advance
x

Hey OP, I’ve got the same thing in the past. I think it stems from being a people pleaser. I never want anyone upset and do my best to make sure I’m not the one to upset them. If they are upset, I’ll put myself out to try and make them feel better. I get you about the msgs back but flip it on them, they’re being rude by not sending a msg back. It’s their issue. If they don’t msg u back, just don’t send another msg until they talk to you first. Why should you chase anyone’s friendship? Your time is worth more to you. If it happened maybe once or twice, I wouldn’t think it was bad but if there’s a pattern to them not replying I think that’s not nice. Also, people who don’t think like us probably think Abso nothing about not msging back as they’re not thinking along the same wavelength! I was worn to a thread also from worrying about what essentially was nothing , and anyway even if it was something , I couldn’t have done anything to change it. You’re powerless unless you decide to mention it to them, and then depending on the type of person they are they may think it’s extra and unusual. I personally always msg people back something , acknowledge their text in some way , as I think it’s rude not to. Many people might think it’s ok not to and that’s fine if they do, but this is just my own opinion. I think moving past it can be tough but just remember, we are flying solo in this world and you don’t need someone who is deliberately not msging back ( if this is the case) also, life is stressful enough already and don’t need worries that we can’t do anything to change. I’d say fill your time with people who value you and who value chatting to you x

I get this exactly.
I've spent ages stressing over a friend who was full on with me, messaging several times a week, inviting me to their house, making plans, supporting her through a work issue (we work together) then one day it just stopped. No disagreement. No row. Just dropped overnight.
Asked her what's up. Nothing denies anything yet never ever initiates contact.
So I've just stopped. I will never initiate contact with her again.
I have to say I went through a whole host of emotions. Anger questioning what I'd done why had she done this. Found out through another work colleague its something she does. She dud it to this colleague of mine before.
So now I'm left with her having superficial contact because of work and as if we were never friends.
It's hard because I keep going back to what we had however it must've been a lie on her part.
Now I am left questioning why I don't value myself more because she clearly doesn't if she ever did value me.
I'm moving on but it's tough.

I understand this. For me it happens when my depression is creeping up on me again.

Thank you so much for your replies, this is so helpful.

It always makes me feel so weak and pathetic as i'm old enough (49) to know that it really doesn't matter.
@Kikicoconut I am 100% a people pleaser, my daughter even tells me I am. I just don't want o be that person anymore
@Jammylou Well done for moving on and being tough .... This is her problem and not yours. Also i think it was right to say we stress all the time and these people do not give it a second thought.
@Mischance I have a lot going on at the moment so this could be a factor.

xx

I get this totally. I reckon it's good, old fashioned self-doubt. Please don't be so hard on yourself - it isn't pathetic, it's just vulnerability and nothing to be ashamed. of. You could actually reframe it and say that it happens because you are so keen to connect with others.
And also...friendships can be really fraught.

@Fluffytuffs Thank you for your reply x

Yes op I would be similar. People pleaser. I copped on last year as realised people were take take. Then love a coffee but wouldnt commit so weeks pass. But I do overthink things too. But Im not being used again by people they drop ya as quick.