Better to be alone or in a marriage that's good most of the time but sometimes abusive?

[Emmyjas]

My husband can be rude, angry and controlling at times. We argue fairly often, and he shouts.

But most of the time, he is caring and loving. We have shared interests and enjoy holidays together. I know that he loves me and he's very faithful. In many ways, I feel safe with him, and I do love him in many ways.

However, his angry side can get me down quite often.

I don't know whether it's better to be in this kind of relationship, which is very hard and sometimes emotionally abusive but has lots of good points, or to be alone.

If anyone has any wisdom to offer, I'd be grateful.

There are no children involved. I'm 36.

No relationship should contain abuse on any level. You don’t hurt people you love. There is no excuse for it, and often abuse only ever escalates. He will get worse. Your still young. Please leave before babies and any further commitments come along xx

The only acceptable level of abuse is zero.

This is not normal and it is not okay. Whatever you do, don't bring a child into this.

I'm in my 70s and could have written the same post. It's been like this now for the last 15 years. At the start I was like you asking the same question- we're still together but I wish we weren't. It's too late for me - leaving would be financial disaster for both of us and neither of us deserve that so on we go. Don't be me.

I know that he loves me and he's very faithful.

That should be a given in any relationship. It's really nothing extraordinary.

On the other hand the abuse you're describing isn't at all acceptable. As a pp said, the only level of abuse that is acceptable in a relationship is none.

It's a bloody insult to single women!

It's a million times better to be alone. You don't notice how much damage that treatment is doing to your wellbeing until you're out of it. It will kill your self esteem, your sense of value in your opinions, it will make you permanently tense and nervous, it will make you feel like you're worthless etc.

It's like a drug addiction. You're only living for the times he's ok and meanwhile, you're destroying yourself.

Plus, if you are single, you are then a million times closer to meeting someone who is actually nice.

If I gave you a box of Maltesers and told you 75% of them were filled with honeycomb and 25% were filled with dog shit, would you accept them?

Thirty six?? I was going to guess sixty three.
You could meet someone else, you know?

Has he always been like this?

This. Definitely.

Walk away, OP

Quite!! 👏👏👏