Am I overthinking this?

[Sal352]

Me and my partner have got back together after being apart for a year. While we were apart he was always trying to make sexual advances and saying how attractive he found me - we were together for about 5 years before the break up.

Now we’re back together we hardly have sex and I feel really unattractive- like he’s just not into me. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he just says he’s stressed with work and he’s to hot and bothered.

I feel like part of it is because I refuse to go back on the pill as I’ve been off it for a year now and I feel so much better for it , he hates wearing condoms - I’m also on antidepressants so I’m wondering if these are just making me paranoid?

It also doesn’t help that while we were apart I was seeing someone for a couple of months and even though it didn’t work out he made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world to him.

Im now back to feeling self conscious and unattractive- am I overthinking?

Why did you split up before?

Its disappointing that he seems to have stopped making an effort now you're back together. The problem with going back to an old failed relationship (which presumably failed for good reason) is that it's too easy to slip back into old habits and let complacency slip in.

You're just not a good match! You might want to be, but the experience is less than the idea

And also - power / control / wanting what your don't have then not valuing it.

Move on...

@Servalan we split originally because he didn’t know if he was in love with me anymore and was always seeking attention from other girls. Then once we broke up he realised he’d made a big mistake and wanted us back.

Messing you around about how he felt about you and looking elsewhere isn't great and I can understand why you would have split up. Sounds like he was messing with your head then and is messing with your head now to be honest.

He basically did enough to get you back and since then he's done fuck all. I don't think it'll be long before he starts looking at other women

You’re not overthinking. You’re thinking. There’s a lot to process here and it sounds a shitshow OP. Not a good direction for you.

No, op, he figured out it's not as easy as it looks to get someone to shag him. It's remarkable that you're so amenable to being his second choice.

End it and do so permanently this time.

Been there. Guy who wants you when he doesn't have you and doesn't want you when he's got you. He had issues to do with abandonment and trust in childhood caregivers. Was tedious being constantly messed around and an emotionally exhausting over complicated relationship.

Sounds harsh but this is how I'd interpret it too.

I've only ever once tried getting back with an ex - it was lockdown and we were each there bubble - it wouldn't have happened otherwise.

And it was a mistake. I think it's a mistake in your position too.

Sounds like a grass is greener type who wants what he can't have.

Was he aware you were seeing someone else for a while?

@yellowsmileyface yes he was - he then started seeing people aswell

Stop wasting each other's time. Have a fresh start, with someone new.

Sounds like he got jealous, but now that you're back together he's no longer interested.

You deserve someone who appreciates you.