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Relationships

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To plan or not plan a wedding

6 replies

Louisec128 · 25/06/2023 21:35

So my and my fiance got engaged 2 years ago, shortly after our first was born (we've been together 8 years now). We then decided to have our 2nd before getting married as we didn't want too long of an age gap, and covid was still lurking so felt risky setting a date. Now baby now has arrived, our wedding should be out next move on our to do list. However, we definitely want to get married, but I'm now unsure if I actually want a big wedding. If we plan a traditional wedding it'll inevitably be big (I'm guessing 150 guests) as we have a lot of friends and my fiance feels "if were already gonna spend X amount of money and not have everyone we want there then I'd rather we spend that bit more and have everyone there". My conundrum is, I don't know if I can be arsed with planning a wedding as cmon we all know it'll be left to the woman. I feel like 50% of me wants that lovely wedding day, the beautiful dress, flowers, speeches, dancing etc. But then half of me is like I just want to get married and do something small to become his wife, solidify our family, and have the same surname as our kids. I do know I want something more than getting married at a registry office, but I don't know what that is? Abroad? My anticipation atm is that it sounds like such a task to arrange a wedding, and at a huge financial cost, I'm like, do I want it that much? Any suggestions are welcome because I feel like I'm searching for something between registry office and this big wedding but don't know what that is...

OP posts:
Polis · 25/06/2023 21:39

I don't know if I can be arsed with planning a wedding as cmon we all know it'll be left to the woman.

Mine wasn’t. We did it together. It was fun.

persisted · 25/06/2023 21:48

I got married in a registry office on an afternoon, immediate family only, then we went for dinner.
The following day we had a party at a village hall. Booked someone to cater for a hot buffet, there were grounds at the hall and a play area for the children. All the family friends and extended family came to that. We had fun, saw all the people we loved, had a lovely relaxed afternoon. I wanted to be married. Was never into the big formal, cost an arm and a leg, perfect day stuff. And didn't want to plan or pay for it either. Going abroad wouldn't have worked due to cost for everyone and relatives poor health.

Louisec128 · 25/06/2023 21:49

@Polis oh that's good to know, I could be pleasantly surprised... It just seems like a lot of planning/organising for something I'm not sure if we want to spend that much money on 🤔

OP posts:
Polis · 25/06/2023 22:28

We had probably 150 invited guests including children. It was quite fluid and we definitely gained some people along the way. We had a garden party rather than a formal reception. So, no need for a strict guest list and it kept the cost down.

Paperbagsaremine · 25/06/2023 23:24

?? Elope with parents and DC to somewhere nice (some registry offices are lovely) (abroad options could consider New York or San Francisco or Lovelock, Nevada... Denmark is supposed to be a good eloping option too). Nice dress, bouquet, dinner out.

Have big informal party when you get back.

TBH as long as it's a happy day where nobody throws a paddy, you're likely to look back on it fondly enough.

Beachhutnut · 26/06/2023 09:17

Just get married the two of you. Will save a fortune and it will be 'yours'. Then you can do an informal party when you feel more up to it...

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