Help with family gatherings please.

[LizzieSiddal]

So back from another family gathering from PIL. I bloody well hate going as does DH, but did it as it was niece’s 21st.

We have BIL telling people that my sister is “married to someone from Pakistan, or is it India? Where is it, oh somewhere round there and he’s married to Lizzie’s sister who’s white obviously and they’ve got two girls who are actually, honestly really nice”.

MIL was a fully paid up life time member of UKIP so you can image the things she comes out with. including telling people they shouldn’t eat any “foreign” food as the people coping it don’t wash their hands properly.
Then we have FIL spouting on about Brexit and how it’s not working because the EU have deliberately made it hard for us and Boris will back soon they hope.

Every time there’s an issue DH and I are called upon to help out, MIL had cancer during Covid and FIL has progressively worse Parkinson’s so he can’t do anything to care for her, we do so
much for them. BIL lives with them as his wife quite rightly couldn’t put up with him any more.

I just can’t stand the lot of them, But know things are only going to get worse as as they age. We’ve also got another family gathering in a few weeks for MILs 80th.

Im just having a rant but any tips on how to handle times you have to spend with racist family members who have directly opposite political views to you and who also make a point of bringing politics up every time they see you, even though you’ve expressively told them you you do not want to talk about politics!

my go-to survival tactic is to start talking at an awkward relative before they start talking about something.
and always disregarding what they are saying and bringing the subject back to what I want to talk about.
sometimes I set myself a challenge to weave in specific words or sayings (‘cabbage’, ‘Zoroastrian’, ‘MDF’) - basically a mental challenge.
Doesn’t work for everyone but perhaps worth a shot now that you have established that the polite way of agreeing to disagree is not working.

Bingo.

You can make a real card or just have a list in your head.

First racist comment.
Brexit.
Something about not dredging the rivers (one of my dad's)
Mention of India / Pakistan

See how quickly you can get a complete set. Just give you DH a look that says, 'I've got this one'.

Thanks for the replies.

Bingo and getting a few choice words into the conversation, sounds like it could be fun and definitely lighten the time we spend with them. Will give it a try.

Have things in your mind to discuss, so you can change what they are talking about. And go low contact.

They sound awful.

If BIL lives with them, how come you and DH end up doing so much for them?

@Rainallnight BIL had a stroke 5 ago, (he was warned by medical professionals that he was heading that way numerous times as he had badly controlled diabetes and very high blood pressure.) He doesn't work and doesn’t help PIL at all. He’s in the process of looking for accommodation so he can move out.

I’ve just had an epic row with DH, SIL has just texted to ask him to persuade BIL not to move back to where he used to live as she doesn’t want him near her.

Why the heck has this got anything to do with us? I’m so sick of his family dramas.

Pretend you are an idiot and question them. ‘Oh are they nice? Are people from there not usually?’ Keep asking questions, at some point they will hopefully realise they sound horrible